Adjusting Your Life Podcast Ep. 118 | Knowing Isn’t Changing
Knowing what needs to change is not the same as changing it.
In Episode 118 of the Adjusting Your Life Podcast, Dr. Stephen M. Ward, DC, and co-host Kennedi Hall explore why awareness alone rarely creates lasting results. They discuss how overthinking, unrealistic expectations, and familiar patterns can keep us from applying what we already know.
From self-improvement seminars to relationships and everyday habits, this conversation highlights the value of consistency, reasonable expectations, and taking one manageable step at a time.
In This Episode
- Why awareness is only the beginning
- How overthinking and overwhelm prevent action
- Why familiar patterns are difficult to change
- The importance of consistency and repetition
- How one small action can create meaningful progress
- Why lasting results come from behavior, not intention alone
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⚠️ Disclaimer
Dr. Stephen M. Ward, DC, is a licensed Doctor of Chiropractic in the state of California. The information shared in this podcast is for educational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult a qualified healthcare professional regarding your individual health needs.
Transcript
This program is for informational, educational and entertainment purposes only.
Speaker A:The information provided in this podcast reflects the opinions and experiences of the hosts and is not medical or mental health advice.
Speaker A:Always consult a qualified healthcare professional regarding any questions about your health or well being.
Speaker A:If you are experiencing a medical or mental health emergency, contact your local emergency services.
Speaker B:Welcome to the Adjusting youg Life podcast.
Speaker B:This is episode 118, Knowing Isn't Changing.
Speaker B:I'm Kennedy and I'm here with Dr. Steve.
Speaker C:This episode of the Adjusting youg Life podcast is brought to you by Ward Chiropractic.
Speaker C:Dr. Steve finds what most doctors miss and his wall adjustment technique.
Speaker C:It can bring fast relief.
Speaker C:Check out chiroman.com for hours location and to contact the clinic.
Speaker C:That's Chiroman.
Speaker C:C-H-I-R-O-M-A-N.com so Dr. Steve, let's talk about.
Speaker B:Why awareness isn't enough.
Speaker B:Exactly that where people have awareness and then what happens after the awareness?
Speaker A:Well, everyone's different on this issue.
Speaker A:I have had people that have come in for the spinal analysis and I've done the behavioral reading on them and then I really didn't treat them at all.
Speaker A:I really didn't coach them at all.
Speaker A:However, they had an audio recording, they listened to it many, many times and then they come back a short time later and they want a new set of X rays to see how their spine has changed.
Speaker A:And we see incredible changes.
Speaker A:And then I have people that go through a reading and they really listen to it.
Speaker A:They're in awe from the reading and they really are excited and in the moment they're really happy because they're gaining awareness.
Speaker A:And then when they come back in to receive treatment, I will check their body and I will know if they're working on their issues or not working on their issues.
Speaker A:And and we'll see less change.
Speaker A:And so there's a natural process with some to self sabotage.
Speaker A:It's easy to revert back into a behavioral program, multi generational behavioral program.
Speaker A:If you consider how long it took for you to get an inherited program, then you need to understand the time that's required to rewrite an inherited program to a new program.
Speaker A:So it's just an interesting process.
Speaker A:Not everyone's like my mother when she heard the breakdown of her spine and what it meant psychogenetically and she decided that it was something that she should listen to every day for a year.
Speaker A:A lot of times people will listen to it once or twice and they'll set it aside instead of as I Coach people.
Speaker A:I say listen to it five minutes a day, listen to it ten minutes a day.
Speaker A:Be consistent so that you can catch yourself in the inherited program.
Speaker A:And then you can be conscious of how you can change that program through consistency, through being disciplined.
Speaker A:Like we see in these podcasts, we're repeating content.
Speaker A:Why?
Speaker A:Because sometimes someone has to hear something 10, 20, 30 times before they really implement what I'm coaching them to do.
Speaker A:So we always see how behavior plays out.
Speaker A:We see when people are passive and when people are more present and the people who are committed and they really actually want to rewrite their behavioral code, they'll go get in a car accident, will take a new set of X rays, and their new X rays are better than their prior X rays because they've implemented the strategies and the coaching into their daily life.
Speaker A:What I can say for people is the best results come when we are consistent with anything we do.
Speaker A:We see it in other things.
Speaker A:You can go to some self improvement seminar and it may be four or five days and you're all hyped up and you're all excited and your life is transformed and changed, and then two weeks later you're in the same pattern, same programs, and has your life really changed at all?
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:So it is about consistency.
Speaker A:And some people have difficulty being consistent and others have no difficulty because they have a deeper desire to make a change so they can have a healthier, happier life.
Speaker A:And that's really what this podcast is about.
Speaker B:So let's break some of.
Speaker B:Break down what some of the things that you just said.
Speaker B:So what's the.
Speaker B:Is there a pattern in males and females?
Speaker B:What's the pattern in males that would revert to their previous habits or might sabotage or not?
Speaker B:Listen to the audio like you've recommended.
Speaker A:Well, as a rule, you see backward curvature, displacement, so the spine's going backward, which in essence is a withdrawal from oneself.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:So it's a senior life through the eyes of someone else's addiction or someone else's abandonment.
Speaker A:And so instead of being active, that person's passive.
Speaker A:A lot of people in over defense patterns come in extreme pain.
Speaker A:And what do they want?
Speaker A:They want me to fix their problem.
Speaker A:And what do they want to put into fixing their problem?
Speaker A:Very little.
Speaker A:Okay, right.
Speaker A:They, they want me to give them what they need to fix the problem, and they want me to do it in a treatment or two.
Speaker A:And it's like, okay, well, I can give you a great adjustment and I can help you with that basic problem, but unless you make the correction in the Behavior, you're going to revert back to the same problem that you came into this office with.
Speaker B:But even like you suggesting to someone that they ice, I mean just the fact that they would go home and not ice, right.
Speaker A:Or wear cervical collar, say fetal sleeping is aggravating their arm pain.
Speaker A:So I'll say, okay, well Invest in a $15 neck collar.
Speaker A:Wear that collar with a high part under your chin.
Speaker A:Wear it when you sleep and sit and that will go a long way in helping to unlock the problem that you're experiencing.
Speaker A:Or a seat wedge, or sit on this seat wedge to counter your forward curve.
Speaker A:Or as you said, ice.
Speaker A:Or maybe that is being consistent.
Speaker A:You have a lot of issues.
Speaker A:It's important to be consistent with some care.
Speaker A:And a lot of people in over defense patterns, in denial patterns are not great at self care.
Speaker A:Right, right.
Speaker A:So you know, the people who are more in emotional patterns so often are more in tune to self care because they're not that inherited denial in the, in their bodies.
Speaker A:And so like anything in life, if you work it, it works.
Speaker A:If you choose not to work it, it may not work at the level you want.
Speaker A:It doesn't mean that they're, they haven't seen great shift in change.
Speaker A:But are they actually experiencing transformation?
Speaker A:Are they, are they actually evolving in more of a transformational way?
Speaker A:When I look back at my life and I see my evolution in my life, there are so many areas of my life I have transformed.
Speaker A:You know, I, I am kind and I'm not critical.
Speaker A:I'm not critical of others and I'm not critical of myself.
Speaker A:I give my best intention, I always self celebrate it.
Speaker A:I don't feel inadequate, I don't feel like I'm not worthy.
Speaker A:I don't feel like I don't have value.
Speaker A:I feel like I have great value, that I'm abundantly worthy and that every day is my opportunity to build on the greatness of the day before.
Speaker A:And so when I look back at my life, I can really see the evolution that has occurred in me and that has me to be a doctor that gets results where other doctors may have difficulty getting results in those patients.
Speaker A:Because I'm certainly committed and my commitment is to being the best doctor I can be to every person that comes in.
Speaker A:It doesn't matter what culture they come from, what background they come from.
Speaker A:My choice is to be the best I can be.
Speaker A:And I don't need someone to define that for me.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:So in that male pattern of the one that we just talked about, where they aren't going to do the things you suggest, you know, like icing or stuff like that.
Speaker B:What challenges would you say that they would have a tendency to have in their marriage?
Speaker A:Oh, well, a lot of people have challenges in their marriages.
Speaker A:And it's interesting because just the other day, Saturday, I had a couple come in and they.
Speaker A:I didn't even know they were listening to you and I.
Speaker A:And they were like, oh, thank you for really helping our marriage.
Speaker A:And I'm like, oh, how am I doing that?
Speaker A:Oh, we listened to every one of your podcasts, and we were wondering if in episode 103, were you talking about us?
Speaker A:And I said, no, I was talking about a pattern that attracts a pattern.
Speaker A:And so when people hear this, they immediately have awareness as to what pattern they're in and what the wound underlying that pattern is.
Speaker A:And so.
Speaker A:But it is, you know, it's through consistency always in life.
Speaker A:It's how badly do you want it?
Speaker A:Do you want to stay the same?
Speaker A:Do you want to evolve?
Speaker A:Do you want to have a life of purpose?
Speaker A:Do you want to have a life where you have that you feel you have no purpose?
Speaker A:Because in my interaction with patients, that's a very common answer.
Speaker A:When I ask them what their purpose is, it's very common that they say they don't know.
Speaker A:And as we've touched on before in prior podcasts, lot of times they have an abandonment pattern.
Speaker A:A lot of times they have a father abandonment pattern, and a lot of times the father didn't know how to love them or didn't know how to be present for them.
Speaker A:And of course, people take it personal, but it's really generational.
Speaker A:We shouldn't expect people that never receive something to know how to give it.
Speaker B:So what does the female pattern look like of the patient that wouldn't take when heed to your advice about listening to the audio or icing or doing those types of things?
Speaker A:Well, again, we see backward curve, so that's a male absence.
Speaker A:And then we see left curve, so that's I see my life through male dysfunction.
Speaker A:So now those cases, when they get severe enough and their body's falling apart and their autoimmune is taking over and they're in chronic pain and chronic exhaustion, so often they get the memo and they start to reframe that pattern.
Speaker A:And so they may start in a heavy denial profile, but as they begin to have challenges, they realize that something's got to change.
Speaker A:And the change is always when we get out of the habit of looking for the wounded people to give us what we need to heal our wounds by giving ourselves what we need.
Speaker A:And.
Speaker A:And as we coach people to do these things, we see great changes in them.
Speaker A:But the goal is not to have an illness to get your attention.
Speaker A:A lot of times people have to have a problem and then it gets their attention.
Speaker A:Oh, my gosh.
Speaker A:I have chronic lower back pain and I can no longer golf.
Speaker A:So I'm going to be committed to go get treatment so I can resolve this.
Speaker A:And then once it's resolved, what happens?
Speaker A:They revert back.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:To the same game of withholding from themselves.
Speaker A:A lot of times when people don't feel loved, they have a difficult time having actions of love in their life that we all need to enhance,.
Speaker B:Do more of.
Speaker A:Yeah, right.
Speaker A:So is telling yourself you love yourself enough?
Speaker A:No.
Speaker A:That's great.
Speaker A:Start loving your gender.
Speaker A:I love myself for the man I was craving.
Speaker A:I love myself today.
Speaker A:I love myself when someone's critical.
Speaker A:I love myself when someone's kind.
Speaker A:My love is not going to be impacted by others.
Speaker A:But then we move off into actions of love.
Speaker A:Oh, I ride my bike to get exercise.
Speaker A:I go walks to get exercise.
Speaker A:I've learned to celebrate my day.
Speaker A:I've learned to give my best intention at the end of the day, be in a great place with where I'm at, because I know that I have given my best in that process.
Speaker B:So here's a question for the male that would say, for example, not listen right to the audio beyond, like, after you do the reading.
Speaker B:And for the woman that wouldn't do it, are those people ever attracted to each other or would it be someone?
Speaker B:Would they not typically be attracted?
Speaker A:They are commonly completely attracted to each other.
Speaker A:So the most common pattern that is seen in male and female relationships is left logic women and right emotional men.
Speaker A:And you hear the women say, well, he's more like a girl and I'm more like a male.
Speaker B:Right, Right.
Speaker A:So then he wanted approval and validation from his mom that operated masculine.
Speaker A:And then he attracts a woman that wasn't validated by her f. And then his fantasy is the woman that was not validated by her father is going to validate him.
Speaker A:But more likely they're going to be verbal towards that male because there's a wound before they met that male.
Speaker A:See, that's always the story in relationships.
Speaker A:It's always there.
Speaker A:We all have wound inside of us, all of us, and we all have generational wound inside of us.
Speaker A:So what we need to be mindful of is that when there is wound inside of us, is it our Partner's problem to solve that wound that's inside of us.
Speaker A:No, no, it's our, it's our own process.
Speaker A:I can't put the, the growth I needed to achieve inside of me on someone who never received the things that I want from them.
Speaker B:But this happens all the time.
Speaker A:All the time.
Speaker A:That's why it's just a miracle that there are as many relationships and.
Speaker A:But are they thriving?
Speaker A:Are they evolving?
Speaker A:Are they really enjoying each other or are they coming from a program both are in over defense.
Speaker A:They both are likely to react instead of respond.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker A:And as we can see these programs and we can see the importance of healing the wounds inside of us and then attracting that.
Speaker A:So I say, well, you know, you had a lot of wounds inside of you that wasn't repaired before you were attracted to me.
Speaker A:And what you're attracted to me is because I'm more feminine.
Speaker A:So my tendency is high empathy.
Speaker A:So you're attracted to my high empathy.
Speaker A:But here's the problem.
Speaker A:They may not have any empathy for me.
Speaker B:But just like what you just said is like, would like if a man said that to a woman, they.
Speaker B:What did you just say?
Speaker B:I mean, it's like being able to articulate that in that way, which is really the response to, you know, a woman that's being critical of a man instead of, you know what I'm saying, like that that's just such a, such a more effective.
Speaker B:And.
Speaker B:It's, it's a way to say something that actually changes the situation instead of like just yelling at each other or,.
Speaker A:You know, or running off to your man cave.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Or being verbal or going to have a drink or, or, or throwing something or.
Speaker B:You know what I mean?
Speaker B:It's like just those, that dialogue right there, it could really change a relationship.
Speaker B:It could literally shift it in a completely different direction for the rest of the time is just to articulate that, you know.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:And because, okay, this came up the other day, this lady's like disabled, but she's very angry and very verbal and she's attracted this emotionally dominant man that's tried to save her.
Speaker A:And the harder he tried to save, the harder it became.
Speaker A:And now when she's angry, what does he do?
Speaker A:He just shuts the door on her because she's disabled and he goes off and does his thing.
Speaker A:And then that sets up all these problems.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:So you know, because again, the male.
Speaker A:There needs to be benefit in a relationship for the relationship to be successful.
Speaker A:If there isn't any benefit in the relationship, it's Very difficult to find success within that relationship dynamic.
Speaker A:So whatever that is, if there's financial benefit, if, if, you know, physical, physical, whatever it is, you know, we must see some benefit.
Speaker A:And, and then, because there is always wound and we can work through wound, through our emotional intelligence, both wounded people don't have to put the wound on their partner.
Speaker A:They can say, hey, you know, I was injured a lot.
Speaker A:And so at times I don't really know how to deal with what I feel.
Speaker A:I have needs that I needed met, but I don't even really know how to ask for those needs.
Speaker A:And I expect that you should know what I need.
Speaker A:But you don't have a clue, because I can't even tell you what I need from you.
Speaker B:Gosh, if I had that information in my toolbox in my previous relationships, they may have gone a different way.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker A:Sometimes we go through many relationships to learn because what most people do is they, they have a relationship, it fails.
Speaker A:They attract another person, same pattern of behavior, it fails.
Speaker A:And then ultimately they decide, oh, I'm not going to have any more relationships, because they're all going to be this way.
Speaker A:But if we both learn to boundary on both sides of it and we boundary off the unhealthy behavior, then have opportunity for even the most wounded relationship to grow in health and love.
Speaker B:This is so exciting.
Speaker B:And hopefully later in the season we'll be able to actually, you know, provide some live advice for people and relationship people that are, have, are in relationship and are having challenges and so on.
Speaker B:So.
Speaker A:Well, I'm looking forward to when we have people come in and I do behavioral reads on them.
Speaker A:And then we would see a different TV show so we wouldn't see wounded people coming together to find love.
Speaker A:We would actually help people find love within themselves and then attract from that experience and then that would be an incredible show.
Speaker B:Yes, absolutely.
Speaker B:We will be right back.
Speaker B:Welcome back.
Speaker B:We're going to talk about the trap of overthinking.
Speaker B:So, Dr. Steve, why don't we start with when someone is given awareness, which can happen lots of different ways.
Speaker B:But let's say, say for example, someone goes to an event where they're offering, you know, advice and, you know, concepts about how they could change their business or improve their life.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:And they get really excited about it.
Speaker B:And maybe overthinking, another word would be like overstimulated, like what can happen with that person who gains knowledge, who.
Speaker B:That does encompass awareness, but they leave the event.
Speaker B:You know, maybe it's a day event or a couple days event.
Speaker B:What Are the things that can happen following that event if they're overthinking?
Speaker A:Well, first of all, when we go to events where we're gaining awareness, so often we're being bombarded with so much information.
Speaker A:And in that moment, because they're listening to an expert, so they feel as if they're really understanding and getting it.
Speaker A:And that's true.
Speaker A:In that moment, with the gift of that speaker, that speaker, it's giving them very clear information.
Speaker A:It's easier to follow.
Speaker A:But in life, so many factors play out.
Speaker A:So many factors in our wounded history, in our multi generational behavior.
Speaker A:Do you have an abandonment issue?
Speaker A:Have you healed that abandonment issue?
Speaker A:Do you self sabotage?
Speaker A:Can you be given information and then self sabotage based on the information you were given?
Speaker A:That happens a lot.
Speaker A:So a lot of people go to these big events and they spend a lot of money.
Speaker A:They're super excited in the moment.
Speaker A:They're excited for a few days.
Speaker A:They see how much their life has changed and then what sets in is the behavioral genetics that runs their life.
Speaker B:That they had before, that they had before.
Speaker A:And so that's why, you know, understanding multigenerational behavior and how it can be impacting your life is so important.
Speaker A:Because if there is a pattern of self sabotage, then even when given a lot of great information, the chances that you're going to implement it.
Speaker A:Like someone might go to meditation and they'll spend five days or something in meditation retreat and they're going to feel great and they're going to feel evolved and they're going to feel on fire and then, and then they'll come in, I'll say.
Speaker A:So have you been implementing that every day?
Speaker A:Oh, no.
Speaker A:When was the last time you did it?
Speaker A:Oh, when I was at the event.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:So repeating behavior, you know, repeating things over and over and over and over, set being disciplined, setting an intention, following through, consistently understanding that we don't get it by just listening to it one time.
Speaker A:And when we're alone and we don't have that expert, it's different than when we're in a room with an expert and that expert sharing their awareness and knowledge.
Speaker A:That's why some people are really good at doing it and some people are not so good at doing it.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker B:So what, what's the pattern of someone that is good at doing it?
Speaker B:Say male and female, what does that pattern look like?
Speaker A:Well, when people are really ready and they, they're really, they go into something with, I'm going to really be committed, I'm going to be open to Receive.
Speaker A:Because if you're not open to receive, you're probably not going to get it.
Speaker A:So I'm open to receive and then the information I'm going to receive, I know I'm not going to fully get it just by sitting in this five day seminar that it's going to require daily work and consistency to really evolve this awareness and knowledge to a different level.
Speaker A:So it's always through our willingness to repeat, have repetition of what we're doing so that we can begin to edit some of these deeper programs.
Speaker A:Because all of us have these multi generational behavioral programs, programs.
Speaker A:So many people, according to my science, don't show up in their spine.
Speaker A:So if you aren't showing up in their spine, what's the likelihood that they're going to be committed to themselves?
Speaker A:Or are they more comfortable in the inherited baggage that they received?
Speaker A:Well, most people are more comfortable in the inherited baggage they received.
Speaker A:That's easy.
Speaker A:I could just go back to that same program.
Speaker A:But lasting change is about a willingness to commit consistently.
Speaker A:Like I don't say to someone, oh, tell yourself you love yourself one time.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:I say the best results occur when you express love to yourself many times a day for 30 days, 60 days, 90 days, 180 days.
Speaker A:If you can express love to yourself for 180 days, are you going to feel loved 180 days later or are you going to feel non not loved?
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:So it was.
Speaker A:So when I make audios for people and you know, in my career I have had to express awareness to people and I've done it through making audios.
Speaker A:So I, they come in, they sit down, I tell them turn on your recorder.
Speaker A:I actually break down what their body's telling me without the X rays.
Speaker A:And I'm coaching them and then I'm instructing them to re listen to the audio I made them.
Speaker A:And the people who really listen get greater change than the people who listen once.
Speaker A:But you, we don't get something just listening once.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:If we've had a program our whole life of negation, then it's really easy for us to be critical of even our best.
Speaker A:So no matter what we do, it's not good enough.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:Because that's the program.
Speaker A:But to change that program and saying, hey, it's not even about what I do.
Speaker A:I'm enough before I do it.
Speaker A:I'm not enough because of everything I do.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:I was actually had great value before I did anything.
Speaker A:See if we help people to understand that program or I'm a Parent, and you're my child.
Speaker A:And this is what I was taught.
Speaker A:And so this is how I was taught on the one program of inadequacy.
Speaker A:I was taught to give my best, do my best, whatever.
Speaker A:But what I learned is when I gave my best, did my best, I was told it wasn't good enough.
Speaker A:So instead of going the same way, I've gone.
Speaker A:Let's help you to see the importance of celebrating your intention, what you're doing.
Speaker A:Are you giving your best to the soccer game you're playing or the basketball game you're playing?
Speaker A:And.
Speaker A:And if so, then learn to circle back, close the loop, build on the greatness within.
Speaker A:Because this stuff's easy, what we're talking about.
Speaker A:This is not hard.
Speaker A:This is like brain surgery.
Speaker A:This is about reframing the brain.
Speaker B:Not.
Speaker B:Not like brain surgery.
Speaker B:Yeah, well, it's also.
Speaker B:There's no cost to it.
Speaker A:No cost.
Speaker B:You know, I'm saying.
Speaker B:So I know for myself and I don't.
Speaker B:I guess we could talk through this because I.
Speaker B:So I used to go to the events.
Speaker B:There's lots of events when you're in sales, and there's, you know, associations.
Speaker B:And then there's a gathering of a lot of people.
Speaker B:And whether it's in real estate or in finance.
Speaker B:And I remember of the feeling of, like, the overstimulation, for sure.
Speaker B:And there was way back when I used to listen, like, these tapes, and there was this whole program, I guess you would call it, that I had signed up for that a realtor recommended to me.
Speaker B:And, you know, so they send you all of it, and you open up this thing and it has like, all these tapes.
Speaker B:So let me ask you a question.
Speaker B:Do you think that I listened to any of those tapes?
Speaker A:I don't think you did.
Speaker B:I didn't.
Speaker A:I think you got overwhelmed when you opened it up and saw there were 20 hours of tapes.
Speaker B:I didn't even start.
Speaker B:And then.
Speaker B:And then I think I was paying a monthly amount for maybe like a newsletter or something.
Speaker B:And again, never reading any of it.
Speaker B:Like, I signed up thinking that that could be a vehicle for me to.
Speaker B:To improve or whatnot.
Speaker B:And so I think that I realized.
Speaker B:I started asking myself, like, what, What?
Speaker B:Like, who.
Speaker B:Who am I?
Speaker B:What am I good at?
Speaker B:And is this something that I see myself almost like, what am I going to do?
Speaker B:And can I do the things that I know that I'm good at over and over versus trying to do this system that someone else has prepared that is ultimately making me feel like I'm inadequate Because I'm not making the five calls.
Speaker B:I'm maybe only making one call or I'm not accessing my, what they call your sphere of influence.
Speaker B:Because I didn't want to solicit my family and friends for mortgage loans and I wanted to solicit people that I didn't know.
Speaker B:You know what I mean?
Speaker B:So at some point I did wake up and I thought to myself, like, I'm, I'm not going to go to these, you know, events.
Speaker B:And sometimes they were just like, not rah rah event.
Speaker B:Well, kind of like where, you know, there's a thousand mortgage loan officers that would get together and.
Speaker B:Because in my mind I thought, you know, what I've seen in other people and even in myself to some degree is, you know, five, six, seven days after these events.
Speaker B:People just are who they are and they do what they have always done.
Speaker B:And I think I realized that in a, maybe in a different way back then.
Speaker B:I can see how I might be able to go into something like that today with a different directive and I may actually get more out of it because I wouldn't let it make me feel inadequate.
Speaker B:You know what I mean?
Speaker B:So I think talk about, you know, people that put themselves in a situation where it is going to inevitably trigger their inadequacy, such as like a sales event or a, you know, a conference or you know, they go to Vegas and there's all these vendors and it's.
Speaker B:And ultimately when they leave, they just feel inadequate, you know.
Speaker A:Well, that's all about fantasy.
Speaker A:The fantasy is that I could go into this five day seminar, whatever, and I can get all this awareness and I can get the knowledge and I can have the success that this person I'm listening to has had.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker A:And so often in life that's just a fantasy.
Speaker A:And it works well because a person will sell a lot of product.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker A:And people, all people will buy it.
Speaker A:Oh, let me buy that $500 audio CDs or whatever.
Speaker A:And then.
Speaker A:But the truth of the matter is, even if they go through all of the information that was given to them, they may never have the success that the person who's teaching the course has had.
Speaker A:And a lot of people will go into it wanting to have the same success.
Speaker A:So if that's my expectation that I'm going to take this course and I'm going to have the success that the course leader has been able to attain.
Speaker B:Yes, yes, I know.
Speaker B:Wow.
Speaker A:You know, what a trigger for inadequacy.
Speaker A:Because we go it go and we do it, we work that process and oh, wow, it didn't, it's not working for me.
Speaker A:And then we don't stick with it and work through that hard time.
Speaker B:Right, right.
Speaker A:And then we self sabotage that.
Speaker A:Oh, it just didn't work for me.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:Well, we just need to be mindful that a lot of people are comfortable in fantasy.
Speaker A:And fantasy is that I can gain from the expert, the awareness they have and the knowledge they have.
Speaker A:I can apply it to my life and I will transform my life.
Speaker A:And that may be true of some people, but the great majority of people is not going to have that outcome.
Speaker A:And they, it could even trigger more inadequacy.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:Because they spent money and they did all these things and gave their time and, and I remember back when I was treating muscular dystrophy kids, right.
Speaker A:And, and you know, there was some things going on within the science and people were believing that if they had this mild blast transfer work that it was going to cure their child.
Speaker A:And so they spent all this money was like $250,000 for upper body, $250,000 for lower body.
Speaker A:And the expectation was by sending these millions of myoblasts into like the big toe, it would stimulate the protein dystrophin and then that would shut down the fat infiltration to the muscle.
Speaker A:And the truth of the matter was it did not work.
Speaker A:And so what happened to those families who mortgage their homes or whatever because they love their child and they're going to do anything to help their child?
Speaker A:They had such devastating letdowns.
Speaker A:So we just all need to be mindful.
Speaker A:That fantasy is always playing out in our lives.
Speaker A:It plays out in our relationships, in our business lives.
Speaker A:And our fantasy is that we can have it and we can have it, but there's always a cost to getting it.
Speaker A:And usually the cost is making through tough times and staying consistent.
Speaker A:Keep working the process and, and have healthy, reasonable expectations.
Speaker A:Celebrate your win.
Speaker A:Celebrate it with joy.
Speaker A:Look where you started, where you are and where you're going and be excited to stay on that path of consistency.
Speaker A:So that's where I see a lot of people are challenged because it's the consistency in the abandonment profiles that's difficult in driven.
Speaker A:People who are super driven say they're, they're forward and right.
Speaker A:More driven say they're double forward, they're forward sitting and standing.
Speaker A:They are so driven and they push so hard and you know, but then they may attain it, but their, their body has suffered, their health has suffered.
Speaker A:So they finally get to a point of Making money, but now they are spending all their money on their health to recover their health because denied being in balance or denied operating efficiently, energetically.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:Well, something that's become more frequent, like on social media are people.
Speaker B:So you have people that have advertised these seminars or, you know, conferences or different things.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:So that's always been there for as long as I can remember, especially in sales.
Speaker B:And now fast forward with social media, you actually have young people, even, you know, even young 20s that are offering these digital marketing courses or, you know, there's this kind of incessive advertising on the Internet.
Speaker B:And one of the ways that people get them tied to this is that they're able to, or they say, like, I'm making this amount or I paid off my house, my husband doesn't work.
Speaker B:And there's all these kind of like very alluring situations that they share.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker B:And then they get people to, to buy, you know, the digital marketing package or whatever, and it's $5 or whatever.
Speaker B:And then there's this whole thing that's happening.
Speaker B:And then I think what ends up, you know, occasionally I've read the comments and what's interesting is the, the expectation that the people that buy these programs have, right.
Speaker B:That they're suddenly going to become that person.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:That that has no credit card debt, has paid off their mortgage, they're, you know, bought their dream car, husband doesn't have to work or whatnot.
Speaker B:And it's frightening a little bit actually, that someone.
Speaker B:Well, I think on, on one side that someone's proposing some presenting something out there that actually doesn't entail everything that they've actually done.
Speaker B:And it could be that that person's journey was 18 months and, and then you have someone that you're enticing to buy something and then they're thinking in a month they're going to be you.
Speaker B:You know what I mean?
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker B:Is there a program of the person that's doing the enticing initially as to why they wouldn't actually be honest about the time period that it's taken them to build their business?
Speaker A:Well, they're in high expectation and they're looking for evidence to support the gift that they have.
Speaker A:And they're coming at it from a point of view of believing so much in what they're teaching that anybody and everybody can follow that.
Speaker A:And the truth of the matter is most people won't follow it.
Speaker A:And usually they're going to be disappointed.
Speaker A:And with disappointment comes letdown.
Speaker A:With letdown comes feeling of inadequacy.
Speaker A:And when we feel inadequate, all sorts of other issues can come out and physical pain is one of them.
Speaker B:Wow, that was a lot to take in, but there's so much in that that I think people can learn from and we're here to support people and provide some guidance.
Speaker B:We'll be right back.
Speaker C:This episode of the Adjusting youg Life podcast is brought to you by Ward, chiropractic.
Speaker C:For over 30, Dr. Steve Ward has been helping people get to the root cause of their pain.
Speaker C:He's a second generation chiropractor who looks at the whole spine, not just the sore spot.
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Speaker C:It can bring fast relief back pain, sports injuries.
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Speaker B:Welcome back.
Speaker B:We're going to talk about how behavior creates results.
Speaker B:So Dr. Steve so in the last segment we did talk a little bit about the idea of people attending these conferences, seminars to gain awareness and maybe the profession that they're in or whatnot.
Speaker B:So, so let's break down some simple things that people can do that maybe attend these and then want to change their behavior without feeling maybe the overstimulation that can occur within the first three to five days after where what ends up happening is they don't do anything at all.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:So once you go to something like that and you're excited and you really do want to make some changes to your programming, what are some simple things people could start out by?
Speaker B:Just really simple to have a better chance of the changes that they want to make lasting a longer time.
Speaker A:I would just say start out with one new thing you're going to do from what you learned and then next you I'm going to implement two things or three things I've learned.
Speaker A:I'm going to take my time in my growth process because I know that I learn better when I'm consistent and when it doesn't feel so overwhelming.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:You get a book that has all this information.
Speaker A:You want to gain all the information from the book, but you can only get the information by reading the first page and then the second and then the third.
Speaker A:And then it's about implementing little changes.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:Because it's not huge changes.
Speaker A:We need to make it's little changes we need to make.
Speaker A:Am I willing to be open to taking some information that I gained and implement it?
Speaker A:How am I implementing some of the information that I receive?
Speaker A:I'm going to first stay out of expectation like your expectation shouldn't be.
Speaker A:I'm going to be this speaker.
Speaker A:I'm not.
Speaker A:I'm going to have the results the speaker has had.
Speaker A:I'm going to have the wealth that the speaker has been able to bring into its life.
Speaker A:It's just about little changes, little edits, taking it piece by piece, understanding that if I apply one thing and how one thing that I apply could make a change in my life, not a hundred things.
Speaker A:Yeah, we all want to apply the hundred things and we have difficulty applying any of them.
Speaker A:So our journey should be to have reasonable expectations.
Speaker A:When we go to someone who.
Speaker A:It's going to give us awareness as to what we can do to transform our life financially, say, or our relationship, whatever it is.
Speaker A:And what are the takeaways?
Speaker A:What, what did I get?
Speaker A:What am I, what am I walking away with?
Speaker A:What am I really ready to apply come Monday morning?
Speaker A:So if we're willing to apply a piece of it, then a week goes by, we may be willing to apply the second part of it, and then another week goes by, we apply the third part of it.
Speaker A:And maybe it takes us a year or even more to apply all the recommendations.
Speaker A:So it's just about taking our time, being patient, having like anything in life.
Speaker A:It's reasonable expectations, not unreasonable expectations.
Speaker A:The problem people have is they were programmed to have unreasonable expectations.
Speaker A:And that is where people are going to fall short.
Speaker A:Because if the, if it's too big of an issue or too much that I need to learn, then I look at it, oh, I need to learn this big book that's 500 pages.
Speaker A:And then I get through 10 of them and I'm already tired.
Speaker A:So am I going to finish the next 490 pages?
Speaker A:Maybe not.
Speaker A:But if I say, hey, I'm going to read 20 pages and I'm going to do it every other day and I'm going to take my time, I'm going to be open to receive this new information.
Speaker A:I'm going to have reasonable expectations of myself in this process.
Speaker A:My value is not in the outcome, it's in the intention.
Speaker A:And I'm willing to give my best intention to this new process.
Speaker A:And people can really gain awareness exponentially because again, it's, it's one.
Speaker A:Sometimes it's one thing we get sure that it's all we needed, right?
Speaker A:So maybe the one thing you received was, oh, I.
Speaker A:That was great and I enjoyed it and I learned some things, but I learned that I need to find what works for me, that I'm different from this person.
Speaker A:So it's not about me being a puppet or me being a robot.
Speaker A:It's about me taking some information and finding how it applies to who I am and what I am and what I'm doing.
Speaker A:And this is how we're going to get through something and this is how we're going to gain awareness.
Speaker A:I see it all the time.
Speaker A:I go train chiropractors and I read in their eyes, well, what they want is they want to know what I know today in a weekend seminar.
Speaker A:It's taken me a whole bunch of years to grow into who I am and to be a person that could actually share awareness and wisdom with others.
Speaker A:Because I have made some shifts and I've made some changes and I'm not motivated the same way.
Speaker A:Like, early on in my career, it was how many patient visits, you know, how much money can I make?
Speaker A:And now in my career, it's like, it's not how many people come to me, it's how many people I help find healing.
Speaker A:So if I help one person to really start reframing their life energetically, that is a great gift.
Speaker A:It wasn't like, oh, the 200 muscular dystrophy kids I need to help.
Speaker A:It was like, can I help one person live longer?
Speaker A:And you know, I have a Duchenne boy that was told he would pass away around age 20, and he's 42 years of age.
Speaker A: been in my free program since: Speaker A:So, you know, it's not about every single case.
Speaker A:It's about being open to help one person, then a second, then a third, then a fourth.
Speaker A:And it also helps me because I see if someone has openness or not, if they're not open, then I'm going to save energy.
Speaker A:I'm not going to waste my energy trying to help someone who's not open to help themselves.
Speaker A:So I'm going to give them the best adjustment because that's my commitment.
Speaker A:I'm going to give them a little coaching, I'm going to give them a little awareness, but I'm not going to over give.
Speaker A:And I think that's a big process in life, is to learn that we should never really over give.
Speaker A:We should give and see if the person is working on the gift that was given.
Speaker A:And then we give more gift that allows Me to save energy.
Speaker A:And it really gets people on the right track to understand that they are their best doctor, that I am not their best doctor.
Speaker A:I can lead them to the water.
Speaker A:I cannot make them drink, drink it.
Speaker A:Or I can teach them how to fish, you know, but they still have to make the choice to go fishing.
Speaker B:Right, Right.
Speaker A:So it's really important, as far as I'm concerned, that we are doing everything efficiently and in a healthy energy and that we realize that our values not t to the outcome.
Speaker A:So even when you get to a point where you're making a lot of money, like the speaker is making.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:You know, if you haven't healed your inadequacy, then no matter what money you make, you will want more and at no point will that be enough.
Speaker B:And which is probably the true.
Speaker B:Probably the case is true for some of these, you know, gurus or whatnot.
Speaker A:Well, just a lot of people, a lot of successful people that run companies and stuff, you know, they had a program of negation, so they've attained high level, but they're still negating even though they've attained high level.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:And we, we really want people to really celebrate their.
Speaker A:Their great life, not just celebrate their great life when they attain this big goal.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:So what's the program in someone that goes to something and then does nothing?
Speaker B:Like does not open the book, buys the book, doesn't open it.
Speaker A:The program is, they are just like the patient that comes to me in severe pain and wants me to fix all their problems in one treatment.
Speaker B:Or you give them the awareness, the audio, and then they go home and don't ever listen to it.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:Well, it's, you know, a lot of people think they get it.
Speaker B:Oh, just the one time.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:That they.
Speaker A:Oh, I understand.
Speaker A:I got it.
Speaker A:But are you applying it?
Speaker A:So when, like I'll ask a person.
Speaker A:So last time we worked on these commands, have you been doing them well?
Speaker A:Every once in a while.
Speaker B:Which means not.
Speaker C:Not at all.
Speaker A:Or maybe they are doing it every once in a while.
Speaker B:A little bit.
Speaker B:People have a tendency to over exaggerate that they've made an effort because they're concerned about what you think about them.
Speaker A:Right, right.
Speaker A:Well, that's true.
Speaker A:A lot of people want to say something that brings validation.
Speaker B:Right, right.
Speaker A:So that's a big misdirection.
Speaker A:Well, it may be, but they have parental abandonment in their dynamic.
Speaker A:You know, when you're backward and curve the uppermost angle, T1 angle, it goes really low in the spine, which is a denial of what you know, and then the lower angle in the spine goes really high, which is denial of what you feel.
Speaker A:So if you're in denial what you know and you're in denial what you feel you know, chances are you are not applying the information required to make the edit and change that you're looking to create in your life.
Speaker B:That's a lot.
Speaker A:It's a lot.
Speaker B:I haven't heard you explain it like that.
Speaker A:Well, I see it in a patient too.
Speaker A:You know, I'm like, oh, wow, you're in denial what you know and you're denial what you feel.
Speaker A:So what you're gonna do is come in and tell me you're not any better.
Speaker A:Even if you are better.
Speaker B:Oh, interesting.
Speaker B:Is it more common in male or females?
Speaker B:Does it have a.
Speaker A:No, not necessarily.
Speaker A:It's more common when we have massive backward curses curve.
Speaker A:Because the backward curve means the, the low angle, the upper thoracic angle drops down.
Speaker A:That's in denial of what you know.
Speaker A:And then the lower angle goes high, which in denial of what you feel.
Speaker A:And so I'm like, wow, oh, I have a heavy denial person.
Speaker A:Is this person likely to follow anything I suggest?
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:Probably not.
Speaker A:Probably not.
Speaker A:So is that a time to over give energy or is that a time to save energy?
Speaker B:Save energy for sure.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:And it's it.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:That they don't get the breakthrough.
Speaker C:Sure.
Speaker B:So who, who would that person.
Speaker B:Spouse be?
Speaker B:What, what would their program.
Speaker B:What, what, what person would they attract in that program?
Speaker A:Well, a lot of times they're attracting a similar program because they're both backward.
Speaker A:So in male, female, you see backward curve, both male and female.
Speaker A:And then you see, if you see left curve female, that means she's immasculine.
Speaker A:You see right curve and male, that means feminine.
Speaker A:So that means that the, their fathers are absent and the right curve man seeks female approval.
Speaker A:The left curve woman seeks male approval.
Speaker A:But neither one of them are coming from themselves.
Speaker B:So.
Speaker B:So high denial in both of them.
Speaker A:Well, sure.
Speaker A:You know, when women get hurt and they're backward and left, what do they do with it?
Speaker B:Withdraw.
Speaker A:They internalize.
Speaker A:They process.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker A:They withdraw from it.
Speaker A:They deny it.
Speaker A:When men get hurt, they might internalize it for a while.
Speaker A:Say they attract a dominant female and she's verbal.
Speaker A:They take it, they take it, they take it.
Speaker A:Then all of a sudden all hell breaks loose and they react in emotion and they rage.
Speaker A:And so these are very real patterns.
Speaker A:And you know, when we, when we look at, you know, same sex or other different types of relationships.
Speaker A:Wow, there's so much that you can see.
Speaker A:Like, if both ladies are left in curvature, one will be more left, one will be less left, but they'll both have father trauma, and they'll both be comfortable and masculine.
Speaker A:And the same is true.
Speaker A:You could have two men that were more influenced by a female parent, and they're both in right curve, and they're.
Speaker A:But their root needed female approval so they can have challenges.
Speaker A:Because the right.
Speaker A:When two people are in right curve, they will both fill their right.
Speaker A:And we don't need to be right.
Speaker A:Like, I don't need to be right.
Speaker B:Me neither.
Speaker B:I used to.
Speaker A:I just want to, you know, give awareness and help to the people that are open.
Speaker A:And if what I'm saying resonates with them, then that's.
Speaker A:That's a great start.
Speaker B:Well, for me, I think I.
Speaker B:Well, I used to over.
Speaker B:I used to give unsolicited advice to people.
Speaker B:I just thought they wanted to.
Speaker B:To know what I was saying or hear what I was saying.
Speaker B:And I. I definitely.
Speaker B:I think for me, in the behavior category, like, I'm more aware of, like, reading a room, so to speak, or like, you know, and I'm not interested in giving unsolicited advice, actually.
Speaker B:There was so much energy.
Speaker B:It was like an energy drain for me if I was, you know, And I always thought, oh, I have, like, all this wisdom to impart and everyone wants to hear it because, I mean, they.
Speaker B:They've got to want to hear it, you know, But I realized that, yeah, not everyone is ready to hear it, you know, whether it's the timing or whatnot.
Speaker B:And so I withhold, not withhold.
Speaker B:I just don't always, you know, provide feedback if someone doesn't ask for it.
Speaker B:Or maybe the question is like, you know, are you asking for my opinion?
Speaker B:Or that's the other thing is just, you know, giving your opinion.
Speaker A:Be invited in.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:You know, are you open?
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Open.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Because then you.
Speaker B:You sometimes you end up just talking.
Speaker A:To a wall, right?
Speaker A:Because if you're not open, what are you doing?
Speaker B:Oh, this.
Speaker B:This happened with someone in a.
Speaker B:In a previous relationship where I would just think that, like, my words of wisdom were just, like, he wanted to hear them.
Speaker B:And I literally would talk for, like, 30 minutes.
Speaker B:I probably should have recorded it so he could listen to it later.
Speaker B:And it was like he tuned out the whole time, right.
Speaker B:And there was.
Speaker B:And then, you know, what he would say at the end.
Speaker B:Are you done?
Speaker A:You're right.
Speaker B:I was like, wait a minute.
Speaker A:And what's the reframe to it.
Speaker A:So you talk for five minutes and you say, so what are you getting from my communication with you?
Speaker B:Right, so five minutes and not 30 minutes.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:And then when they say nothing or.
Speaker A:They say, well, I don't know or I'm not getting anything that would tell me.
Speaker B:Yeah, they're not.
Speaker A:Then you're wasting your energy.
Speaker A:They're sitting there and it's painful for them.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker A:And, but there, but that's a pattern.
Speaker A:But there's a lot of people that are open and a lot of people that want to gain awareness and a lot of people on this planet that are open to change their emotional intelligence.
Speaker A:And emotional intelligence is one of those things that you can evolve throughout your life and you can start out very low in emotional intelligence and over the course of your life become a master in emotional intelligence.
Speaker A:So we all are on a journey and we all need to, you know, protect ourselves and especially people that want to give advice.
Speaker A:And if someone's not open to it, then don't give it.
Speaker B:Yeah, well.
Speaker B:And I can, I can definitely, I think, ascertain a little bit better.
Speaker B:Maybe I can make an assessment.
Speaker B:And you know, sometimes my daughter, who is aware of all this work and everything that we do and stuff, and you know, sometimes she'll, she'll either say, you know, don't bring Dr. Steve into this, or of course don't.
Speaker B:Dr. Steven, don't.
Speaker B:Dr. Stevie, right now I'm not in the mood.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker B:Maybe later.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker B:So it's like, okay, okay.
Speaker B:You know, and eventually, you know, it does.
Speaker B:We do end up having a conversation.
Speaker B:But I can, I respect the fact that, like, sometimes she's not in the frame of mind to hear a reframe.
Speaker A:And maybe she has awareness on that issue already.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker A:And so to her it's like, this is painful because I'm already consciously aware of.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:Okay, that's good.
Speaker A:What we're doing.
Speaker B:I've heard you tell me.
Speaker B:You don't have to, because I think some kids think it's like lecturing them, I guess.
Speaker B:Okay, so maybe that, like.
Speaker B:I think one of the changes I've been able to make behavioral wise with the work is, is maybe coming across less lecturing because especially men don't want to be lectured.
Speaker B:In my experience that I've had interacting with them, especially in a romantic relationship.
Speaker B:And so I've been able to like roll that back.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:But you could also embed a command.
Speaker A:Oh, I'm really thankful to have a man like you that's open to listening to me.
Speaker A:And is open to gaining awareness.
Speaker A:And I really appreciate you for being such a great man.
Speaker B:Oh, that was great.
Speaker A:So we can, you can, you can shift.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker A:Shift it from a painful presentation to a validation.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:That's great.
Speaker A:Because even if they're not open, if you point out that you see them as open, it helps them to hear you.
Speaker A:Then if they think that it's going to be a painful conversation, they will be like, uh huh, uh huh.
Speaker A:But they don't really hear anything.
Speaker A:And that's why it's always important to, as we're talking to someone, stop, pause, ask them what are they interpreting from this communication?
Speaker A:What are they hearing from this communication?
Speaker A:Because if they get one thing, like one thing, if someone goes and listens to our podcasts or watches our podcast and they get one thing that impacts their life, it's worth the time to watch the podcast.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:So that's the power.
Speaker A:It's not having to get everything.
Speaker A:It's like, can I get five things?
Speaker A:Can I get two things?
Speaker B:Well, some, I think the other change I've made with my, in the behavioral category is the time, the time of day.
Speaker B:Because I think that's really important because I know for me, sometimes I get triggered in the evening and.
Speaker B:Or I want to have a conversation.
Speaker B:And I find that, at least for me, as a general rule of thumb, that the evening is not the time to talk to my daughter, nor is it the time to talk to, in previous relationships, talk to the person I was with.
Speaker B:They usually have.
Speaker B:They're just not open to, you know, something after, you know, 6:00pm is just, it's like for my daughter, it's, you know, something that's more earlier in the day, she's definitely more on the receiving end of it.
Speaker B:And also, if even just asking like, is today a good time or is right now a good time instead of just, it's not always a good time to start, you know, and someone might.
Speaker A:Be having a hard day and they're just, they their day, it's been tough and they just don't have the bandwidth to, you know, hear something more.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:So I think it's, that's a good way of looking at it.
Speaker A:If we're tired, it's not the time to communicate.
Speaker A:If we're hungry, it's not the time to communicate.
Speaker A:You know, we can be patient in our.
