Adjusting Your Life Podcast Ep. 119 | Break the Family Pattern
Are you repeating family patterns without realizing it?
In Episode 119 of the Adjusting Your Life Podcast, Dr. Stephen M. Ward, DC, and co-host Kennedi Hall explore how communication styles, emotional reactions, expectations, and other behaviors can pass from one generation to the next.
They discuss how recognizing these inherited patterns can help us respond more thoughtfully, communicate more clearly, and begin making healthier choices. Just because a behavior runs in your family does not mean it has to define your future.
In This Episode
- How behaviors are passed through families
- Why families repeat emotional and communication patterns
- The difference between reacting and responding
- How criticism, abandonment, and inadequacy can shape behavior
- Recognizing the patterns you may have inherited
- Why healing yourself is different from trying to save someone else
Learn More
Dr. Steve: https://chiroman.com
Adjusting Your Life Podcast: https://adjustingyourlifepodcast.com
⚠️ Disclaimer
Dr. Stephen M. Ward, DC, is a licensed Doctor of Chiropractic in the state of California. The information shared in this podcast is for educational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult a qualified healthcare professional regarding your individual health needs.
Transcript
This program is for informational, educational and entertainment purposes only.
Speaker A:The information provided in this podcast reflects the opinions and experiences of the hosts and is not medical or mental health advice.
Speaker A:Always consult a qualified healthcare professional regarding any questions about your health or well being.
Speaker A:If you are experiencing a medical or mental health emergency, contact your local emergency services.
Speaker B:Welcome back to the Adjusting youg Life podcast.
Speaker B:This is season two, episode 119, Break the Family Pattern.
Speaker C:This episode of the Adjusting youg Life podcast is brought to you by Ward Chiropractic.
Speaker C:Dr. Steve finds what most doctors miss and his wall adjustment technique.
Speaker C:It can bring fast relief.
Speaker C:Check out chiroman.com for hours, location and to contact the clinic.
Speaker C:That's Chiroman.
Speaker C:C-H-I-R-O-M-A-N.com we're going to talk about inherited behavior.
Speaker B:So Dr. Steve, let's talk about all things inherited.
Speaker B:Where would you like to start?
Speaker D:Well, pretty much everything's inherited.
Speaker D:We learn how to communicate.
Speaker D:If we're taught how to communicate, we may be internalizers in our life.
Speaker D:So we may have inherited a program of when hurt is experienced to take that hurt internally.
Speaker D:We may have inherited the pattern of reaction, of taking a hurtful experience that occurs and reacting in emotional reaction or anger.
Speaker D:We may also have learned how to communicate our hurt without internalizing or without reacting.
Speaker D:That's not so common.
Speaker D:But it is possible that we can teach our children how to be clear communicators, how to express hurt, how to respond, not react.
Speaker D:When we look at our patterns, are we taught to take a hurtful experience, internalize it and process it and withdraw from it?
Speaker D:Are we taught to take a hurtful experience and explode in reactive anger?
Speaker D:So many patterns are coming in from other sources.
Speaker D:And so it's just when you look at behaviors, you may be self driven and that would indicate that you bonded with someone who is self driven.
Speaker D:You may be more a person that wants to withdraw and that would be indication of parental withdrawal or parental abandonment on the right curvature pattern.
Speaker D:That's so often a very high standard pattern.
Speaker D:And if it's a male or female in right curvature, then they have been taught if you do it, do it right.
Speaker D:They're looking for approval from a dominant female source.
Speaker D:And in my case the dominant female source had never learned to self validate.
Speaker D:So we just need to understand that criticisms inherited, abandonment's inherited, inadequacies inherited.
Speaker D:Shame is inherited.
Speaker D:Guilt is inherited.
Speaker D:Addiction is inherited.
Speaker D:So that's a deep process.
Speaker B:Sure.
Speaker D:And that's what this episode's about is just understanding that just because we inherit a program doesn't mean that's our program, and it doesn't mean that we need to keep that program our entire life.
Speaker D:And this is where I ask the question, tell me about the patterns of behavior that is different from what you've inherited.
Speaker D:Like, I forget that question myself.
Speaker A:When.
Speaker D:I ask people in my seminars, I'll say, tell me about the patterns of behavior that you have that's different from what no one else has.
Speaker D:And it's just important that we understand that that's a big question, because a lot of people can't give you any behaviors that are different from what they received.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:So actually, when you ask that question, it.
Speaker B:I mean, it makes me pause and think.
Speaker B:And I don't actually know how to immediately.
Speaker B:Well, I don't know how to answer.
Speaker B:Like, in my experience in that communication with you, I have to think.
Speaker B:I have to really think about it, actually.
Speaker B:And so if I think about.
Speaker B:And maybe some people don't necessarily know what that means.
Speaker B:So we can break it down, essentially.
Speaker B:So if you're asking me that question.
Speaker B:So what comes to my mind is probably my drive, but I don't know if that's actually what you're referring to or like, for example, probably the.
Speaker B:My mental.
Speaker B:You know, like my mental toughness.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:I do remember my mom not really showing her vulnerable side, but being more maybe mentally tough.
Speaker D:Right.
Speaker B:So maybe that.
Speaker B:Because that question, in and of itself, I think it might confuse people.
Speaker D:Yes.
Speaker D:And I think I want to state the question differently.
Speaker D:The question really is, tell me about the patterns of behavior you have in you that no one in your family has in them.
Speaker D:And it's an important question because when people have answers to that, that means they've taken inherited behavior and they began to shift it from what their family dynamic was all about.
Speaker D:And so I like that question.
Speaker D:It helps people who can answer to know that they're evolved and they're aware and that they looked at something like, you made the point that your mom was more verbal and dominant and your dad was not verbal, and you never really heard him being angry or critical towards your mother.
Speaker D:And that led you to be more sympathetic towards your father.
Speaker B:But that didn't mean that I wasn't then verbal towards some of the men that I've been with, which I have been.
Speaker B:And I realize that now.
Speaker B:Yes, I definitely am guilty of that and not really even knowing at the time when I was.
Speaker B:And maybe I thought I was asserting myself.
Speaker D:Yes.
Speaker B:But I.
Speaker B:And what's Interesting about that inherited behavior for me is that seemingly I feel like weeks and months would go by, and I feel like I maybe, maybe I could say it was like my best behavior.
Speaker B:And then eventually, at some point, something would trigger me, and then I would feel the need to verbally give them my list of things I have done for them.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:Which totally took away from me doing them originally.
Speaker B:Like when it's, you know, when I, you know, just annihilate, you know.
Speaker B:Well, my tone would be high, and then I would just give my list of everything I'd done and.
Speaker B:And you.
Speaker B:You know, the thing was, is I didn't feel good after I did that.
Speaker D:No, we never feel good after we do it.
Speaker D:When a person overreacts emotionally and says a lot of things in emotional reaction, they don't feel good about doing that.
Speaker D:When a person verbally annihilates, they don't feel good about doing that unless they're sociopathic.
Speaker D:Right.
Speaker D:There are sociopaths that do what they do and feel no remorse.
Speaker D:But most people feel remorse when they do not handle themselves in the healthiest way.
Speaker D:Right.
Speaker D:Like, I can understand that I might get triggered emotionally and react emotionally.
Speaker D:And then after that, being a high empath, I would feel like, oh, wow, maybe I said some things that were really hurtful.
Speaker D:Right.
Speaker D:That's why we're teaching regulation.
Speaker D:That's the importance of being mindful of.
Speaker D:Our words matter, and the words we choose really dictate the life we live.
Speaker D:And when we respond to people from our inheritance, sometimes the worst of us comes out.
Speaker D:But that's important to forgive.
Speaker D:It's about loving the good and the bad and the ugly, because it's not always good.
Speaker D:It's not always ugly.
Speaker D:We got to be mindful that we can fall into our inheritance and we can do things that we've seen others do.
Speaker D:And our journey really is to learn to regulate.
Speaker D:And I regulate my emotion.
Speaker D:I do not see things personally.
Speaker D:I understand people are wounded, and then they project from that wound.
Speaker D:And so that really gives clarity to where I am in my life.
Speaker D:Is anything really personal?
Speaker B:It isn't.
Speaker B:I realized that to myself, Right.
Speaker D:And that's a.
Speaker D:That's a new perspective, but it's an important one to have, because if we see everything personally, then we're saying, oh, this person is doing this specifically to me.
Speaker D:But when you realize, no, they're just carrying out some wound inside of them, and this is the experience that they learned and experienced, and that's what they're passing on.
Speaker D:So as we help People to understand nothing's personal.
Speaker D:Everything's generational.
Speaker D:People are wounded and they come from wound, and the wound that they're coming from is before the person they transfer it to.
Speaker D:And if we can get into seeing that, like, wow, you had all this wound with your father or your mother prior to me, and now you're taking out some of those unexpressed emotions on me.
Speaker D:But is it really about me?
Speaker B:So when someone.
Speaker B:Would you say that when someone is in their wound, is that would be like.
Speaker B:Like the ego, too?
Speaker B:Like, more like.
Speaker B:I guess I've been.
Speaker B:Like.
Speaker B:I would see it as more like in like 3D.
Speaker B:Like, very.
Speaker B:Like.
Speaker B:So if I'm going to personalize something and think like, oh, I like I did something or personalize it, then would I also be in, like, my ego too at the same time?
Speaker D:Well, he goes, always a factor.
Speaker D:Because ego gets into.
Speaker D:When a person's in ego, they want to believe they know everything.
Speaker D:Right.
Speaker D:My life has taught me that when I thought I knew a lot, I came to the realization how little I knew.
Speaker B:Right, Right.
Speaker D:And I have chosen in my life to be open to receive.
Speaker D:And that's helped me to understand that life is a journey of growth and that we are constantly growing.
Speaker D:And when we're in ego, we're not growing because ego says, I know it all, and ego strength says, I know something, but I'm open to grow, learn, and evolve.
Speaker D:And to me, ego strength is a way more powerful place to be than ego because ego is so fearful that you'll be revealed as inadequate.
Speaker D:So you have to be the best, and someone else has to know less.
Speaker D:And the truth of the matter is, this is a big world, and there's a lot of people that know things, and there's a lot of people that know things more than you may know.
Speaker D:And being open to gain awareness is, I think, where the power is.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker D:Yeah.
Speaker B:Thank you.
Speaker B:I'll be right back.
Speaker B:Welcome back.
Speaker B:We're going to talk about why families repeat cycles.
Speaker B:Dr. Steve, let's talk about in a family dynamic where you see, you know, say there's multiple children and they all are.
Speaker B:Somehow the cycle that they've grown up with is repeating itself in sometimes it's a different way.
Speaker B:Why don't we expand on how that can happen within the family dynamic?
Speaker D:Well, we get a set of programs, and that's all we know.
Speaker D:And then we project from those programs that have been passed on from generation to generation.
Speaker D:So repeating cycles is what calmly is occurring in people's lives.
Speaker D:And the cycle only changes when we make a change in that cycle.
Speaker D:So if your cycle is inherited criticism and then you learn to be kind and gentle and loving to self, then you begin to shift that cycle.
Speaker D:If the cycle is generational abandonment and you get into the realization that we abandon ourselves when we withhold love.
Speaker D:And if we are going to shift an abandonment cycle, then we're going to shift it one by not personalizing it, realizing that generationally, one parent may have worked and not been present.
Speaker D:They are provider, but they're not present.
Speaker D:Right.
Speaker D:And then that comes down generationally and it experiences the child to have a wound.
Speaker D:And so when we start reframing these behaviors, we start by realizing that we do want to do things differently from what we inherit.
Speaker D:We want to question what we're learning and we want to come up with solutions of change.
Speaker D:We don't want to stay asleep in a program that has been passing on generationally.
Speaker D:We want to wake up in new programs.
Speaker D:We want to do things differently than the prior generation.
Speaker D:We want to instead of withhold love, master love, instead of being self critical, we want to be kind to self.
Speaker D:We want to take inadequacy that's passed generationally and it always passes the same way.
Speaker D:We don't have people telling us they feel inadequate, we have people telling us they can do better.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker D:If we had people telling us that I feel inadequate, and this is why, it would be healthier than just passing on the same program instead of just saying over and over, oh, you can do better, you can do better.
Speaker D:If we bring that into awareness and say, I came from this experience of inadequacy and I really don't know how to validate you because no one validated me.
Speaker D:So this is a new journey for me.
Speaker D:But I'm committed to learn to validate self.
Speaker D:I'm committed to choose not to negate self and not negate our children and learn to celebrate and validate and encourage and improve.
Speaker D:And then also teach that don't get misdirected in that when someone gives it or doesn't give it, if someone doesn't know how to give, doesn't mean that something wrong with you.
Speaker D:And when people do know how to give approval, be conscious because they may just want more from you.
Speaker D:And so this is a journey to really look at our inheritance, write down the programs that we have, look who taught us those things, and then have a commitment to change from that process.
Speaker B:So how does someone know if they're being manipulated?
Speaker B:Is there signs from the other person that would tell Them that, well, take approval.
Speaker D:You know, if someone's not self approving, but they're giving you approval, they're manipulating you.
Speaker D:If they have mastered self approval and they're giving you approval, it's different than if they haven't mastered it.
Speaker D:And so we just need to be mindful that people are going to do what's necessary to get done what they want done.
Speaker D:Right.
Speaker D:And so someone who could be self critical could be more supportive because they want something from you.
Speaker D:Right.
Speaker D:And so we just need to realize that we can make changes to our inheritance, that we can be awake in our life, that we're asleep when we just bond with a behavior that's not ours, that no matter what we're receiving, it's not something that will have to be present in our life.
Speaker D:Our whole life.
Speaker D:Just because I was raised with someone who is critical of me doesn't mean I need to be critical of me my whole life.
Speaker D:Or just because someone had difficulty validating me doesn't mean that I have to negate myself my whole life.
Speaker D:For instance, the other day, I have a gal coming in and she has really bad.
Speaker D:Right.
Speaker D:Sciatica.
Speaker D:She's like, well, I have this upcoming marathon.
Speaker D:I want to run and I want to have a better time.
Speaker D:And I said, but no one cares about your time.
Speaker D:No one cares about whether you run the marathon.
Speaker B:Oh, the time, the time.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker D:Right.
Speaker D:And so here she was, pushing herself so hard to attain a time that only she's going to change once she attains that time.
Speaker B:Oh, right, right.
Speaker B:Instead of just run it, run it from love.
Speaker D:Oh, I love to run.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker D:No, I have to run this fast.
Speaker D:I have to hit this mark, which you're right.
Speaker B:Who does care?
Speaker D:No, no one cares.
Speaker B:I know.
Speaker D:You know?
Speaker D:Oh, yeah.
Speaker D:Why?
Speaker D:I did my personal best.
Speaker D:Okay, that's good.
Speaker B:So what'd she say when you said that to her?
Speaker D:Well, she struggled.
Speaker D:I'm like, well, at what point have you ran a good enough time?
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:What's the goal?
Speaker D:Like, you know, when's it good enough?
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker D:And her answer is it's never enough.
Speaker D:And never enough would indicate negation.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:Which when you say that to me, the reason I'm giggling is only because, like, I used to be in that, like, pursuit.
Speaker B:And I'm just so relieved now that I no longer have that, like, I'm just.
Speaker B:I don't.
Speaker B:It's.
Speaker B:It's like such a relief, I think, that I have been able to shift that perspective and just give my best.
Speaker B:And it's.
Speaker B:And I You know, people around me, I know that they're feeling like they can just give their best too.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:And even, you know, my nieces and nephews and stuff, it's just, it's like such freedom to have that.
Speaker D:Yes.
Speaker D:It's more important to learn that when you give your bets, it's enough for self than to want the fantasy that people outside of you are going to tell you when you've done something well enough.
Speaker D:But in that example here, she was in severe right sciatica.
Speaker D:She was running, you know, 20 miles.
Speaker D:Oh, and kept pushing and just pushed through it.
Speaker D:And her body was deteriorating because her expectation was that she always has to run faster.
Speaker D:You know, when we get back, when we get to that question, when's it enough?
Speaker D:Are you enough without it?
Speaker D:Like I asked her.
Speaker D:So if you never attain time, are you enough?
Speaker B:What did she say?
Speaker D:She didn't feel like she would be.
Speaker D:And so that's where deterioration is going to take place in the body.
Speaker D:We're way better off setting reasonable expectations for ourselves than unreasonable.
Speaker D:And we're way better off doing things in love like, oh, I love to run, then I have to run this fast.
Speaker D:When you love to run, it's going to be different than you have to run this fast because if you have to run a certain speed, then you're going to have physical problems.
Speaker D:So to me, it's just really important that we do things from a love for it, not an outcome in it.
Speaker D:And if you're not enough, when you attain the outcome, at what point are you going to be enough in that process?
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:Never.
Speaker B:And for.
Speaker B:Never for anything that you're doing, which is just such a. I feel like it's a.
Speaker B:It feels so isolating.
Speaker B:But like a lot of people are experiencing.
Speaker D:Robs you of greatness and joy, right?
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:And we're here to help.
Speaker D:Well, you know, we're here to help the people that are open to receive.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker D:Because not all people are open to receive.
Speaker D:So that's the first step in healing.
Speaker D:Are you open to receive?
Speaker D:I always want to be open.
Speaker D:I come across people in my life that are so gifted, that have gifts that are different from mine, and because I'm open, I can receive their gift.
Speaker D:And then it evolves me inside of me.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:Yeah, me too.
Speaker B:It's amazing.
Speaker D:Instead of like, oh, I know everything.
Speaker D:Well, no, I know some things, but then I come upon people like, for instance, I have an amazing energy worker and she's so profound and she's able to give me such deep awareness.
Speaker D:Helped Me to understand where I was in denial.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker D:But if I'm not open to receive, I would never be able to get through that process.
Speaker D:Right.
Speaker D:And I just find so many gifted people along my journey that have gifts that are different from mine, but they combine so beautifully with my own gift.
Speaker D:And then it helps me to gain awareness, helps me to evolve, and it helps me ultimately to.
Speaker D:To give, you know, a different level of gifting to others.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:For sure.
Speaker B:Well, I think, too, when someone has a gift, I think for me, I'm able to see gifts in other people.
Speaker B:And it doesn't mean that that person has it all figured out either.
Speaker B:We certainly don't.
Speaker B:I. I don't.
Speaker B:I'm learning every day, and I still get triggered, and I recover from a trigger a lot faster, though, for, you know, and I, like, with my daughter, we.
Speaker B:Ivan, you know, if I'm getting triggered, I'll say it out loud.
Speaker B:And.
Speaker B:And she's like.
Speaker B:Sounds like, well, that's your problem, mom.
Speaker B:You know, so she.
Speaker B:She.
Speaker B:She's able to, like, you know, like, yeah, if I ask something and I'm.
Speaker B:I'm feeling a certain way, I. I just have it, like, open dialogue, you know, and it's just something that I'm working on every day, but not in a way that, like, is, like, I have to be perfect or.
Speaker B:Because I think that that can be a total misdirection, too, is just.
Speaker B:Even in this journey of, like, awareness is to feel, like, this pressure of, like, having to, like, have it figured out or never have a trigger.
Speaker B:And I think also one of the things for me that's important is my tone of voice, because in, you know, we briefly touched on, you know, when I would get triggered and, you know, give my list of things that I have done.
Speaker B:It was always.
Speaker B:It wasn't really.
Speaker B:It wasn't actually the words I was saying.
Speaker B:It was definitely the tone of voice I was using.
Speaker B:For sure.
Speaker B:That's been my issue is I would definitely go into, like, high tone.
Speaker B:And so why don't we talk about, like, where that comes from?
Speaker B:And also, I think, like, you know, yelling.
Speaker B:Like, yelling at your.
Speaker B:Yelling at your child, because I know parents, we struggle with that.
Speaker D:Well, people go in high tone when they didn't feel heard, which.
Speaker B:But it doesn't help you be heard anymore when you raise your voice.
Speaker D:No, when you raise your tone and your voice, people want to run away from you.
Speaker D:When you lower your voice, you're more believable in what you're saying.
Speaker B:Sure.
Speaker D:People say things in reaction and they say a lot of things that they feel bad about saying after they do it because they haven't learned to let the emotion kind of dissipate.
Speaker D:And then to learn to respond, we need to learn to respond non emotionally.
Speaker D:That everything isn't a need to react and explode in our tone.
Speaker D:Because in truth, people will hear you better if your tone's lower than if your tone's higher.
Speaker D:And if you want to be heard, then you want to make it something that's easier for the person to hear.
Speaker D:Because again, people are dealing with problems all the time.
Speaker D:They come from their wound inside of them, and they're projecting that onto a person that wasn't even involved in that wounding.
Speaker D:So we need to be mindful that, hey, I've been injured, and in my injury I never felt heard.
Speaker D:My tendency is to raise my tone so you hear me.
Speaker D:But then if you ask them, did you hear me?
Speaker D:And they say yes, and then you ask them to repeat what you said, they can't do it.
Speaker D:Letting emotions subside before you decide is super important.
Speaker D:And it allows people to respond, not react, not needing to be right, understanding that we come from different perspectives.
Speaker D:So I don't need to be right and I don't need to make you wrong.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker D:Which is a huge, huge thing.
Speaker D:Can I be open to hear you and what you're expressing to me with feeling inadequate and understand that we come from different wounds and different life experiences.
Speaker D:I think that's the key element is to just.
Speaker D:Every day you're making a choice to either regulate or don't regulate.
Speaker D:And regulation of emotion means you're responding, not reacting emotionally.
Speaker D:Regulating your words means you're mindful that words have intention and you're choosing healthy words when communicating and then also realizing that this story has been going on for generations and people don't necessarily have the tools innately, but we can work on our different deficiencies in our behavior and we will, over time expand on our emotional intelligence, which in eq, it's so important that we are just allowing awareness to come in.
Speaker D:That changes our perspective.
Speaker D:And as we do, our intelligence becomes different.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:Well, so I was just.
Speaker B:As we were talking about, like high tone, my.
Speaker B:So I only heard my mom raise her voice.
Speaker B:My dad didn't raise his voice growing up.
Speaker B:And.
Speaker B:And then I probably told myself I wouldn't be raising my voice like my mom.
Speaker B:But then, lo and behold, that's exactly what I did.
Speaker D:Yeah.
Speaker D:When you're.
Speaker D:When you were triggered to feel inadequate.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:I got loud.
Speaker D:You got loud.
Speaker D:And Your dad didn't do that.
Speaker B:He.
Speaker D:But then what does he, what did he attract from in his life?
Speaker D:More of ladies that were immasculine verbal and dominant.
Speaker D:And so where can that set up problems?
Speaker D:Well, it can set up prostate cancer and various things.
Speaker D:But our true journey is to understand the person who projects wound.
Speaker D:That's not about you, it's before you.
Speaker D:And to learn to not personalize everything that's transferred to you.
Speaker D:And as you learn not to personalize, you will see such a great change.
Speaker D:Yes, for sure that occurs.
Speaker B:We'll be right back.
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Speaker B:We're going to talk about recognizing the pattern.
Speaker B:So, Dr. Steve, we've talked about behavioral patterns.
Speaker B:Is there a way that someone bonds with something?
Speaker B:For example, is a medical pattern.
Speaker D:Good question.
Speaker D:Well, from my perspective, I bonded with my father's health history and recently an energy worker that has worked with me helped me to see how I was living my life through my dad's health story and how my dad kind of lived his life through my health story.
Speaker D:And that may be a little confusing, but my dad had very high blood pressure.
Speaker D:And so, you know, what happened with me is I wanted to save my father, but my father wasn't really taking all the healthy action he could take.
Speaker D:Eating healthy, various things.
Speaker D:And so my whole process in my life was about saving my father from himself because he would eat unhealthy and he carried weight.
Speaker D:That scared me as a child and it made me feel as if my father was going to die early.
Speaker D:And that was really scary for me.
Speaker D:And then as a young person, I was wanting to save him him.
Speaker D:I wanted him to eat healthier and to exercise more and those kind of things.
Speaker D:And what happened was he was choosing to deal with some of his emotional hurt through eating unhealthy, which set up Health problems.
Speaker D:And then when I failed to save him from, he ultimately died and I wasn't able to save him, which the energy worker really pointed out that from that point forward, I moved energetically to save everyone.
Speaker D:So my journey became, well, I didn't save him, so now I need to save everyone who has a problem.
Speaker D:And then she pointed out to me that, well, your father was checking out and choosing to die, and no matter what you wanted him to do, he wasn't doing it.
Speaker D:And so it's easy to bomb with the pattern.
Speaker D:In my family, my sister has high blood pressure.
Speaker D:My dad had super high blood pressure.
Speaker D:I've had high blood pressure.
Speaker D:But the difference being between me and my father is I have exercised and I've eaten healthy and I've chosen to keep my weight down and I've chosen to be proactive.
Speaker D:So even though I have blood pressure issues like my father had, when you go in and look at my blood chemistry and my cholesterol and my triglycerides and my LDL and all these things, because I've taken action different.
Speaker D:I do not have the same health story that he had.
Speaker D:I have a blood pressure challenge, but I have chosen to be healthy in how I eat and healthy in exercising and taking consistent action.
Speaker D:So I don't have the same outcome.
Speaker B:So have you.
Speaker B:Would you say that you've know what your blood pressure is over the last years is something that you were, you're making the choices to do stuff differently.
Speaker B:But was it something where, where when she talks to you about inheriting a pattern from him, is it something that you were like, avoiding to know what the numbers were?
Speaker D:Well, what happened in my story was years ago I.
Speaker D:It became clear I had a high blood pressure issue.
Speaker D:I went through many different medications to lower the blood pressure.
Speaker D:What I found when I was being medicated is that my body was so highly reactive to the side effects of the medication that they were giving me given to me.
Speaker D:And so ultimately I had gone through like 12 different medications to lower my blood pressure, but my blood pressure still wasn't lowering in the normal range.
Speaker D:I asked the doctor at that point, I said, well, doc, do you know what to do?
Speaker D:And the doctor's like, I don't have a clue.
Speaker D:And so it became frustrating to me.
Speaker D:So I said, okay, well, I'm going to lose weight.
Speaker D:So I lost 35 pounds.
Speaker D:And that's how I'm going to address the issue.
Speaker D:But then I'm going to stop taking my blood pressure because I really didn't want to know if it was high or not.
Speaker D:So that was a mistake on my part.
Speaker D:But there's so much.
Speaker D:When we look at the denial pattern that's in all of us, there's just a lot of resistance sometimes.
Speaker D:And that means that there's layers of denial, and sometimes it takes time to uncover it.
Speaker D:And in my case, I really needed this wonderful energy worker to point out things to me that I really didn't even see, like pointing out to me that I wanted to save my father.
Speaker D:When I didn't save my father, he, you know, that you journeyed out to save everyone else.
Speaker D:But life is about empowerment, not savior.
Speaker D:And the people that get the greatest results take action.
Speaker D:And you can't take action for someone.
Speaker D:Like, I thought I could take action for my father, and I thought I could love him enough for him to love himself enough to make healthy choices.
Speaker D:But, no, those programs are deep in us, and they're.
Speaker D:You could go through many years of like, oh, I'm hurt, so I'm going to eat or overeat, right?
Speaker D:And then that overeating causes a whole lot of problems to take place.
Speaker D:And what we need to realize is if we do learn to express our hurt, like I expressed my hurt to him, I remember crying over, I think you're going to die early.
Speaker D:And I didn't want to lose my father in those early years, and I didn't want to lose my father early when he did pass away at 64 years of age.
Speaker D:I didn't want to lose him then.
Speaker D:But we do need to be mindful that people make a choice, and the choices they make are their choices.
Speaker D:And I do not have the power to fix someone's unhealthy choice.
Speaker B:So let's talk about that.
Speaker B:Like, the idea that we think we could save someone, that's.
Speaker D:It's.
Speaker B:When I think about it, it's like, it's actually kind of crazy that we think that we could.
Speaker B:That somehow we could do that.
Speaker B:Actually, yeah.
Speaker D:It's.
Speaker D:You know, it's just really interesting because in my lifetime, I saw more issues with my mother than my father.
Speaker D:But then I realized that there were issues with my father.
Speaker D:Like, I came into his process trying to save him, and so he might.
Speaker D:He had a lot of doctors that loved him and believed in his work.
Speaker D:But my dad would come a.
Speaker D:At doctors with, you don't know what you're doing because you're not measuring the spine.
Speaker D:And that would turn off doctors and anger doctors.
Speaker D:And where I come from, we're all given gifts.
Speaker D:We may know them or we may not know them.
Speaker D:But to take away someone's gift is, is not ever going to be my choice.
Speaker D:I don't see myself as superior to others.
Speaker D:I have a gift and I love my gift and I want to give my gift.
Speaker D:But I'm not going to negate someone else's awareness or make them feel as if I believe they're wrong and I'm right.
Speaker D:I'm just growing in my awareness.
Speaker D:And the person that may have a totally different view may give me awareness that changes my own view.
Speaker D:So it's just, it's a challenge.
Speaker D:You know, there's many layers to uncover when we look at psychogenetics because we have both male and female in us.
Speaker D:In most cases.
Speaker D:There are cases that we see women in full masculine, there are cases where we see men in full feminine.
Speaker D:But as a rule, there's a mixture of patterning, male and female.
Speaker D:To me, that's where peeling the onion is really a good example.
Speaker D:We start with an awareness of where we think there's a problem.
Speaker D:Then we deal with that.
Speaker D:Then all of a sudden we would take a new set of X rays and we would say, oh, we did deal with that issue, but now there's this other issue that needs to be dealt with because that's what the spine would tell us.
Speaker D:If you take multiple sets of X rays, you would say, oh, did the spine change or not change?
Speaker D:Would have changed or it didn't change.
Speaker D:If it didn't change, that means you didn't work on the issues you need to work on.
Speaker D:But if it did change, that just means you peeled a different layer of the onion and your consciousness is looking.
Speaker B:To.
Speaker D:Restore those dysfunctions.
Speaker B:So did you ever feel like you had to save your dad from your mom?
Speaker D:Well, not.
Speaker D:I think my mom was more masculine.
Speaker D:And so the issue was she wasn't comfortable in her feminine.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker D:And my dad needed her to be comfortable in her feminine so that he could receive from her a healthier love.
Speaker D:But, you know, that's where relationships are so challenged because we are so often in opposite patterns.
Speaker D:And then we see, you know, same sex relationships and similar patterns.
Speaker D:And so that's a whole nother interesting topic that if you have two left curve people, then both will be more logic based, both will be more controlling, both will be more wanting to rationalize.
Speaker D:And those patterns don't commonly work too well.
Speaker D:Now when you do look at same sex, you might have two men who have more mother influence.
Speaker D:So they might both be right in curve.
Speaker D:You may find one of them Is more right in curve than the other or two ladies that are both left in curvature, but one might be more dominant and controlling than the other.
Speaker D:But that's where I think looking at patterning is super exciting because it will give us insight as to what the wound is.
Speaker D:And if two men are coming from feminine, then their wound is in seeking approval from outside females that didn't know how to validate them.
Speaker D:But in any event, I think when we look at the common pattern, men who are right curve and women who are left curve, we do see that the wound is before them.
Speaker D:And we do understand that they want to work in that they want to really understand that and understand that my job is to heal myself.
Speaker D:It's not to heal the person outside of myself, and it's not to look for the person outside of me to fix the issues inside of me.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:So I definitely felt that I had or I felt the need to protect my dad from my mom in some way as a young person and then obviously growing into an adult as an adult.
Speaker B:And not that my, my dad wasn't asking for my help.
Speaker B:That was something that was like kind of like an unspoken thing.
Speaker D:Right.
Speaker B:I, I, I think because my dad was more passive or in the early years of growing up where he wouldn't really, he wouldn't have anything to say when I could hear my mom, you know, raising her voice at him.
Speaker B:And, but what's interesting is when my parents got divorced, my mom, based on, like, actions at the time, would have told us that, like, the message I think that we got in some capacity, my younger siblings more was she was really looking for everyone to side with her.
Speaker D:Yeah.
Speaker B:And that was a, that was a really good, that was a challenge, I think, for my younger siblings.
Speaker B:My dad never asked for any, like, for them to side with him or her or, you know, or anything.
Speaker B:And maybe we can expand on what that, how that manifests itself in the behavior.
Speaker D:Well, it would impact your sisters differently than your brothers.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker D:Okay.
Speaker D:Because your sisters would, they're needing male approval and they're hearing this verbal annihilation occurring to the father.
Speaker D:So it's natural for you to side with him because you, that was hurtful.
Speaker D:But then it became your pattern.
Speaker D:Right, Right.
Speaker D:The pattern that you didn't like that you saw between your mother and father.
Speaker D:Father became the pattern you didn't like in you when you would get upset.
Speaker D:Because when you get upset, you would duplicate the pattern of projection you experienced from your mother.
Speaker D:Right.
Speaker D:So you would do the same thing your mother did.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker D:Right.
Speaker D:And that's not about your mother anyway.
Speaker D:It's about wound that occurred before your mother.
Speaker D:And she wanted to be heard and she thought the only way she could be heard is be verbal.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker D:And that's a big problem that people are facing.
Speaker D:Right.
Speaker D:Couples are facing that the men so often want to be validated by a woman who wasn't validated by their father.
Speaker D:And in your case, your father wasn't as present as you needed him to be, and so he provided, but he wasn't really present.
Speaker D:So, you know, for couples out there, just understanding that if you want a healthier relationship, encourage your partner, be kind, be encouraging.
Speaker D:Watch your tone, watch taking out your hurt on someone that wasn't even present when you were being hurt.
Speaker D:And why is it your relationship's responsibility to fix that wound that occurred so long before you attracted the partner to your life?
Speaker D:So for women in masculine verbal, they're attracting the emotional sensitive to learn how to soften their heart, be kind with their words.
Speaker D:Right?
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker D:And the because that emotional sensitive person can teach them how to be more sensitive.
Speaker D:Right.
Speaker D:But the other way is the male is being taught how to regulate emotion, how to not operate reactively, to not put on the female the responsibility of what the mother didn't give to that male child.
Speaker D:But that's it's the deep subject and we can certainly see the impact on how relationships that are successful work and how unsuccessful relationships occur and why ultimately so many relationships fail and lesser percentage succeed.
Speaker D:And then you look at how denial plays out in the relationships that succeed.
Speaker D:And when we make little edits, then we're going to have better outcomes.
Speaker B:Thank you for joining us on today's episode of the Adjusting youg Life Podcast.
Speaker B:For more information and to view our show notes, please visit adjustingyourlifepodcast.com and we will see you next time.
Speaker A:This is a broadcast of the Adjusting youg Life Podcast produced by Adjusted Life Media.
Speaker A:All information contained in this episode and all other content provided on this channel is for informational and entertainment purposes only.
Speaker A:This content is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.
Speaker A:If you or someone you know is experiencing a medical emergency, please contact your local emergency services.
Speaker A:Dr. Stephen M. Ward, D.C. is a board Certified Doctor of Chiropractic Medicine licensed in the State of California, county of Los Angeles.
Speaker A:The Adjusting youg Life Podcast is written and produced by Executive Producer Jamie Knapp and co produced by Kennedy hall and Dr. Steven Ward as Dr. Steve.
Speaker A:For more information or to connect with us, visit adjustingyourlifepodcast.com.
