Adjusting Your Life Podcast Ep 110: You Didn’t Inherit Just Your Parents Genes - You Inherited Their Behavioral Programs
The salient theme of our discourse revolves around the profound notion that one does not solely inherit the biological traits of one's progenitors; rather, one also acquires their behavioral programs. In the inaugural segment, we delve into the unique behavioral traits that manifest within individuals, traits that may be absent in other familial members.
Subsequently, we elucidate the concept of behavioral programs, delineating their origins and implications on personal development. The discussion culminates in an exploration of how formative experiences during early life significantly influence enduring behavioral patterns. Through this examination, we aim to illuminate the intricacies of inherited behaviors and their lasting impact, fostering greater self-awareness and potential for positive transformation in our lives.
A profound exploration of the intricate tapestry of inherited behavioral programs unfolds in this episode, as we delve into the concept that our genetic inheritance extends far beyond mere physical traits. In the initial segment, we interrogate the unique behaviors that individuals might possess, which are seemingly absent in their familial lineage. This inquiry serves as a catalyst for self-reflection, encouraging listeners to discern the distinct traits that set them apart from their relatives.
The subsequent segment elucidates the notion of behavioral programs, shedding light on the mechanisms by which these ingrained patterns are formed and perpetuated across generations. We dissect the formative experiences that imprint these behavioral codes, illustrating how early encounters can sculpt lifelong habits and responses. The episode culminates in an earnest discourse on personal growth and transformation, urging individuals to recognize and amend the inherited patterns that may no longer serve them, thus paving the way for a more authentic existence.
Takeaways:
- We often inherit not only genetic traits from our parents, but also their behavioral programs, which can significantly influence our lives.
- Understanding the concept of behavioral programs allows us to recognize patterns that may not serve our best interests.
- Early experiences profoundly shape our lifelong habits, and awareness of these influences is crucial for personal growth.
- Celebrating our unique behaviors, even those not shared with our family, can lead us to a greater understanding of our individuality.
- Revising inherited behavioral codes through conscious awareness enables us to create healthier patterns of living.
- We must recognize that perceptions of inadequacy are often generational and can be transformed through intentional self-validation.
Transcript
This program is for informational, educational and entertainment purposes only.
Speaker A:The information provided in this podcast reflects the opinions and experiences of the hosts and is not medical or mental health advice.
Speaker A:Always consult a qualified healthcare professional regarding any questions about your health or well being.
Speaker A:If you are experiencing a medical or mental health emergency, contact your local emergency services.
Speaker B:Because when we look at generational inadequacy and we look at how it passes.
Speaker C:From one generation to the next, it.
Speaker B:Always passes the same way.
Speaker B:You don't have a parent say, hey, I feel inadequate.
Speaker B:When I do workshops.
Speaker C:I will ask the people who attend this question and the question is, what patterns of behavior do you have in you that no one in your family has in them?
Speaker B:And so what we're going to be mindful of is we're going to celebrate your greatness.
Speaker D:Welcome back to the Adjusting youg Life podcast.
Speaker D:I'm Kennedy and I'm here with Dr. Steve.
Speaker D:This is episode 110.
Speaker D:You didn't just inherit your parents genes, you inherited their behavioral programs.
Speaker D:Let's get started.
Speaker E:This episode of the Adjusting youg Life podcast is brought to you by Ward Chiropractic.
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Speaker E:That's Chiroman.
Speaker E:C-H-I-R-O-M-A-N.com so Dr. Steve, why don't we.
Speaker D:Talk about generational patterns?
Speaker D:What is a question that you would ask a patient to assess their awareness as to generational pattern?
Speaker B:When I do workshops I will ask.
Speaker C:The people who attend this question and the question is what patterns of behavior.
Speaker B:Do you have in you that no one in your family has in them?
Speaker D:Okay.
Speaker B:The reason why I asked that question is I want to see what people response is, but I also want to see if they have bonded with behavioral patterns that are multi generational or have they began to rewrite their behavioral code and actually through awareness made edits in the behavioral code with new programs that are new to them.
Speaker B:And I think this question is so powerful because it really helps us to understand if someone's asleep in someone's behavioral code or if they're awake in a new set of behaviors that are new to them.
Speaker D:So how do you evaluate the answer to that question if someone is seeing their eyes through a behavioral code that is not theirs?
Speaker B:Well, my experience has been the great majority of the classes that I have done workshops, usually people will give me this blank stare.
Speaker B:It's like they really have a hard.
Speaker C:Time answering that question.
Speaker B:And our goal, the podcast, is to help people wake up and to help people find a different set of programs than what they inherited and what they learned.
Speaker B:And because through changing a behavioral program, we begin to find ourself, we begin to find a different path and we are able to help people grow exponentially.
Speaker D:So what would be some pointers you could give someone to start adjusting their view of, you know, if they're seeing their eyes through like a behavioral program from their parents?
Speaker B:I want to find out what kind of issues they're having.
Speaker B:Are they self critical?
Speaker B:Are they rejecting self?
Speaker B:Are they setting unreasonable expectations for self?
Speaker B:Are they a clear communicator?
Speaker B:Are they more internal?
Speaker B:Are they more reactive?
Speaker B:So many of these behaviors are multi generational and if we never had someone teach us these behaviors, we wouldn't really know how to make that such a big part of our life.
Speaker D:Right.
Speaker D:I heard once that someone said that if when babies are born, they, they're, they have a sensitivity like sound and then like the fear of falling.
Speaker D:But other than that, it's like, so if you think about it as a baby's, you know, aging, it's like as parents we can like put these like essentially program them right to based on like our, like, like projecting our own fears and stuff.
Speaker D:And I think that maybe sometimes parents don't stop to think like where that originated from.
Speaker D:So this is, I think, going to be amazing because we can start to bring that awareness to them that to not be repeating those programs with like their children, you know.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:I think so much of early life.
Speaker C:When you have a child, young child.
Speaker B:You come from the behaviors that you learn.
Speaker B:And most people think that the behaviors in them are their behavior.
Speaker D:Right.
Speaker B:And they're not really aware that someone programmed those behaviors into them, like, oh, that's right and that's wrong, or that's up and that's down.
Speaker B:When we look at life, we must learn from someone.
Speaker B:Well, what are we learning?
Speaker B:Are we learning programs that are healthy or are we learning to carry on programs that are going from one generation to the next?
Speaker B:And my experience with most people is they were programmed, they learned various programs, they were taught so many things.
Speaker B:And, and this is such a critical point in a young life.
Speaker B:Even when someone's very little, you hear, oh, you're a good boy when you do that, or you're a bad boy when you do that, or you know, we, we have these programs that we hear.
Speaker B:And so the job of a parent is to one, acknowledge what they have learned from someone else to be more conscious of it and then to be mindful that just because we learned a program doesn't mean that that's the program we need to pass on to our child.
Speaker D:Right.
Speaker B:And it's only through awareness that we make these edits and, you know, simple things.
Speaker B:We've talked about it before, expectation and how so many people hear the program if you do it, do it right or it's not worth doing if you're not giving your best or doing your best.
Speaker B:And so people hear that program which makes the child think that when they do something really well, they will be validated.
Speaker B:And so often the parents heard that program, but then they gave their best to something and then they went to someone who was invalidated and then that parent will say, well, that's good, but which is a negation.
Speaker B:And it just means when we hear that, that in most cases that person wasn't validated when they did something well.
Speaker B:And so if I'm a parent and I say, well, you know, I was taught that if you do it, do it right, give your best, do your best.
Speaker B:But what I learned is that when I gave my best so often I was told how it was not adequate.
Speaker B:And so I'm going to do it different than how I was taught.
Speaker B:We're going to grow in a different way.
Speaker B:And so what we're going to be mindful of is we're going to celebrate your greatness.
Speaker B:And when you do something, when you give your best, and maybe it's not even that great, but it's your best, let's celebrate those little victories.
Speaker B:Because if we build our life on greatness, which it's not hard to do, it's just, are you giving your best intention?
Speaker B:If you're giving your best intention, then I teach people to always circle back and self validate.
Speaker B:So I say, oh, I gave my best today.
Speaker B:My best is always enough for me.
Speaker B:I gave my best to my patients today and my best I gave to them is enough for me.
Speaker B:They may still have a lot of problems.
Speaker B:So we can't really tie into outcome in life.
Speaker B:Well, we need to focus more on intention than outcome because as you know and seen in your lifetime, how many people accomplish great things, but they still feel as if what they accomplish is, is inadequate and they should be able to accomplish much more.
Speaker B:Well, if nothing's ever good enough, what's the point in giving your best to something?
Speaker B:So I find this is a critical point to help give clarity.
Speaker B:The parents out there that were negated, they can learn to celebrate.
Speaker B:They, it starts with them.
Speaker B:Hey, I'm learning to celebrate.
Speaker B:I'm learning to build on my greatness.
Speaker B:I'm a leader.
Speaker B:And my, and my need to lead is in giving awareness.
Speaker B:That's different from what I inherited.
Speaker D:So actually I was with some family in the last couple weeks and in the kitchen and I was with my sister's mother in law and I probably could have, I definitely could have done something different in the situation, but I think I was a little caught off guard and I wasn't sure what to say.
Speaker D:But she said, you know, essentially what you just said, which was, you know, essentially she raised her kids to like, you know, you know, if you're going to do something, you know, do it at the best that you can do or there's no point in doing it right.
Speaker D:And I, I guess there was an opportunity there for me to probably reframe what she had just said.
Speaker D:Only because as her children are standing around right.
Speaker D:Who are in their 40s and up.
Speaker D:Right.
Speaker D:Yeah, they have all, you know, maybe have like a perfectionist about themselves or like, I don't think there was very much validation when they were growing up.
Speaker D:And I wonder what I could have said to her to maybe start to have her think about changing that program.
Speaker B:We can just simply say, wow, that's what I just heard you say.
Speaker B:I've said that so many times in my life.
Speaker B:And I met Dr. Steve and he helped me to see that I was negating my own greatness.
Speaker B:And he helped me to change my perspective from nothing is ever good enough to everything I'm doing is about my intention.
Speaker B:And sometimes I'm tired, I'm exhausted and I'm still giving my best, but I'm tired and I'm exhausted.
Speaker B:So it's different than if I'm super abundant.
Speaker B:I have all this energy.
Speaker B:And so just helping people to understand through your own story, because I think that's where people can grow at a different level is when they hear how you bonded with that same program and what you now do that's different and how exciting it is to actually see, see the greatness of your life and see how many great things that you've done and over the course of your life.
Speaker B:Because most people who are programmed with that, they accomplish, they accomplish great things.
Speaker B:And we see people who make $15 million in their business and they don't even take a moment to celebrate it.
Speaker B:They're immediately going on to what can I attain that's higher than that?
Speaker B:And so to me this is A great misdirection, because when we look at generational inadequacy and we look at how it passes from one generation to the next, it always passes the same way.
Speaker B:You don't have a parent say, hey, I feel inadequate.
Speaker B:You have a parent say, hey, if you do it, do it right.
Speaker B:But if that parent were to say, you know, I was programmed this way, and it always made me feel inadequate.
Speaker B:So instead of staying stuck in that same program, we're gonna.
Speaker B:We're gonna do something different, and we're gonna really help you to see the greatness of your life from the infancy of your life throughout the different times in your life, when you're young, super young person, when you're a high school student, when you're in college, when you're now you have a family, and now you're having to share your knowledge and awareness with your family.
Speaker B:And so I did love having clarity on this, because to me, inadequacy is the greatest dysfunction that gets passed on generationally.
Speaker B:And we see it from parents, we see it from coaches, we see it from teachers.
Speaker B:If a teacher feels inadequate within them, is it likely that teacher's gonna make you feel adequate within you?
Speaker B:If a coach was negated their whole life, is it likely that the coach is gonna validate you when you do something really amazing?
Speaker B:Or.
Speaker B:Or is everything a teachable moment?
Speaker B:Okay, so this is a deep issue.
Speaker B:And I think if people just get this one thing, they have such an opportunity to grow through their life, they get to the end of their life, they can look back at all the great things they've done.
Speaker B:All the great things.
Speaker B:I couldn't even begin to count the great things I've done in my life.
Speaker B:If I.
Speaker B:If someone said, hey, write down all the great things you've done, it would be an endless list, but for many, they would not be able to even write hardly anything done down.
Speaker D:Right?
Speaker B:So.
Speaker B:So this is.
Speaker B:The importance of this podcast, is to get people to be more aware and aware that our words are meaningful, that every word is intentional, and that we need to choose words of high vibration, and we need to understand that.
Speaker B:That everything comes from the words we choose and the thoughts we hold.
Speaker B:And so it's true that our words either bring us death or our words bring us life.
Speaker D:So for our audience, if someone's listening and they're.
Speaker D:They haven't seen you in person and haven't been able to get some awareness or adjusted, but they're wanting to make a change, you know, immediately, you know, when they see their Children next or whatnot, or, you know, what is their.
Speaker D:What are things that they could do today if maybe they're not even aware of exactly what programs they do have, but they just know, like, they've got some programs, how could they start making a change with the way that they're communicating, you know, to their children?
Speaker B:Well, first of all, I think it's important that we understand that we're not inadequate, all right?
Speaker B:So we don't have to fix ourselves.
Speaker B:What our journey really is to let go of who we're not.
Speaker B:So, like, when I take X ray images on people, I don't see the person.
Speaker C:Usually I see who influenced the person.
Speaker B:So I see the eyes that they see their life through.
Speaker B:And then I encourage them to take off their glasses that they're seeing their life through, set them down on the table and be willing to see your life through eyes that validate, that encourage that love, that build on greatness.
Speaker B:And so, because so many people will say, well, I need to fix that in you.
Speaker B:No, it's not about fixing it in you.
Speaker B:It's about releasing something that was never yours to begin with and then to have an opportunity through awareness to grow into your greatness and to be a leader, not a follower.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker B:Because we're all programmed to think our parents should know the difference, but the truth is our parents know how they were programmed, right?
Speaker B:So they don't necessarily know the difference, but as a child, we say, oh, our parents should know what I need.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker B:But our parents don't necessarily know.
Speaker B:Now, some parents are quite evolved and they're quite aware and they've grown and they've been mindful of, like their brain was a sponge and they just started looking for new ways to do it.
Speaker B:Because you see that so often, like.
Speaker C:A child who was abandoned by, say, his father, and then that male grows up and becomes a father, and he.
Speaker B:Says, oh, I'm going to be present for my child and I'm not going to do the same things that my parent did or what I experienced with my parents.
Speaker B:So it's just such a awesome opportunity.
Speaker C:To grow, evolve, and we grow through awareness.
Speaker B:That's the number one way to grow.
Speaker B:The more aware you are, the greater it is.
Speaker D:We'll be right back.
Speaker D:Welcome back.
Speaker D:We're going to discuss what behavioral programs actually are.
Speaker D:So, Dr. Steve, I think one of the questions that comes to my mind is when, you know, you grew up in a household, and in my household there were seven kids, and how the programs from our parents showed up differently for Each of us.
Speaker D:Let's talk about that.
Speaker C:Well, it's interesting because in your household it started out with four sisters and then followed three brothers.
Speaker C:And when we look at the similarities in all four sisters, we see the backward curvature.
Speaker C:So we see the father who worked a lot, the father that was more absent.
Speaker C:He was provider, but not as present.
Speaker C:We haven't seen all four sisters.
Speaker C:Three out of the four we've actually taken images on.
Speaker C:But we see how they seeked male approval and how they wanted father approval.
Speaker B:And then in those programs, what is the set up in them?
Speaker B:Well, they want someone to know what.
Speaker C:They need without expressing what they need.
Speaker C:What your sisters needed to learn is how to express what they needed from their father.
Speaker C:So it would be something like.
Speaker C:It makes me feel special, dad, when you're coming to my ball game or when you're coming to my back to school or whatever it is.
Speaker B:And so it's just interesting because when you look at a family dynamic and.
Speaker C:You realize how there are similarities from.
Speaker B:One person to the next, but there's also different patterns within that dynamic.
Speaker C:For instance, your older sister was backward.
Speaker B:In curvature in her neck, but her.
Speaker C:Middle back curve was not very far backward.
Speaker B:But then you look at the other.
Speaker C:Sisters and you all have a backward curve, but the middle back curve is really far backward.
Speaker B:And so how's that behavior different?
Speaker B:Well, it's an impact of I in your older sister that she was feeling some stress from her mom and that's why the curve was broken down.
Speaker C:It wasn't so much of a curve.
Speaker B:But then her neck was backward which was denial.
Speaker C:So oh, I feel this emotion, but then I'm going to deny it.
Speaker C:I have this vulnerability, but then I'm going to deny it.
Speaker B:But then you see in other sisters how they have this significant backward curve.
Speaker C:Which is more of a.
Speaker B:A denial pattern, A full denial.
Speaker B:Kids are backward in the neck and mid back, which is again indicative of.
Speaker C:The father who worked who was not as present.
Speaker B:But it also is indicative of the father whose father wasn't as present.
Speaker C:So this is never about blaming someone.
Speaker B:This is just about understanding that there is such.
Speaker B:We get so impacted by multi generational wounding and how we expect our parent to know what we need, but they.
Speaker C:Don'T know what we need and they.
Speaker B:Didn'T express what they needed their parent.
Speaker B:And in some cases the parent wasn't even present at all.
Speaker B:So you know, that's a very interesting dynamic.
Speaker B:But then when we get look at your brothers, we see a lot right curvature.
Speaker B:And what does that mean, oh, they want approval from female.
Speaker B:Well, what's around your first brother, four sisters and a mother.
Speaker D:Right.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker B:And so that's what their influence is showing up, that they're wanting approval from these ladies that didn't really get what they needed from their father.
Speaker B:And, and it's not personal why that happens.
Speaker C:I want anyone to hear this, that.
Speaker B:You know, it's just a program that's passing on.
Speaker B:And because as you are aware how many edits have taken place between you and your father and your sisters and your father and how what he really wanted in his life was female validation, you can see the impact in your father when he's being validated and loved or when he's not being validated.
Speaker B:So when he's being validated and loved, he's so attracted to that dynamic.
Speaker B:But if he's feeling criticized and feeling as if someone's angry at him, then that's where you're going to see his pattern of wanting to withdraw.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:So it's just so interesting because you can see a family dynamic.
Speaker B:And then we can even see on your oldest sister, she has two identical twin sons.
Speaker B:And it's interesting because in one position they're both left in curvature, they're in logic seeking male approval, but in the other position they're right in curvature seeking female approval.
Speaker B:So often in pattern, you might see a person who's logic left logic in both positions, right emotion in both positions.
Speaker B:But in that dynamic, we're seeing a dichotomy in behavior.
Speaker B:And then we see how one of the twins has more severe curvature than the other and they're identical twins.
Speaker B:So it's, it's interesting how we are impacted differently, how one might be in a healthier mechanism, one might be in a more significant mechanism.
Speaker B:And so, but we all need to.
Speaker C:Understand that we're all influenced by someone.
Speaker B:And commonly we're influenced by someone who's wounded and they haven't learned really how to love.
Speaker B:They haven't learned how to self validate, they haven't learned how to self encourage.
Speaker B:And, and then when you look at like your father and mother, well, your father's more female dominant.
Speaker B:So he looks for approval from a dominant female who has a father abandonment trauma, who wants to be verbal and, and hypercritical.
Speaker B:And of course, what would he do in that state?
Speaker B:He's going to go to work because we, we will run away from pain and we will run towards pleasure in life.
Speaker B:And so if he comes into the home and he's being criticized or annihilated what's he going to do?
Speaker B:He's going to work and be provider.
Speaker D:Mm.
Speaker D:So I'm talking about my dad.
Speaker D:Some of the work that we started doing was with me reaching out to him and, you know, just, you know, hi, dad.
Speaker D:Just want to tell you that I'm thinking about you or I love you, and.
Speaker D:And, you know, by me doing that, you know, really shifting the relationship I had with him.
Speaker D:So I think we should talk about that, because I think so much of the time as children, you think, oh, again, my.
Speaker D:You know, my parents should know how to love me, treat me.
Speaker D:And, you know, maybe there's situations with the audience where, you know, they haven't heard from their father or mother, and they're just waiting as if they should reach out.
Speaker D:But there is something that we can do to shift that if that's something, you know, that's important to you.
Speaker D:So what would you.
Speaker D:What would you say in regards to people making that change, you know, with a parent?
Speaker C:Understanding that a parent is just a wounded child until they heal the wounds, Right?
Speaker C:And having the expectation of the parent that they should know how to do something that no one taught them how sets up a lot of problems.
Speaker C:A lot of people, you know, are hurt by a parent that wasn't present for them or withdrew from them or.
Speaker C:But they're not looking the generation back.
Speaker B:They're not asking the question, well, what did my parent experience?
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker B:Because, like, when I came out of college, my journey in life was to.
Speaker C:Help heal my mom.
Speaker B:And so I remember asking my mom, well, mom, when was the last time you told yourself you love yourself?
Speaker C:Well, never, son.
Speaker C:I've never told myself that.
Speaker B:And then I made her audio CD based on her X ray analysis.
Speaker B:And, you know, she listened to that.
Speaker C:Every day for, like a year.
Speaker B:And in that time, she transformed into this much kinder, more loving.
Speaker B:But she had to first learn how to love.
Speaker B:And how do we learn that?
Speaker B:We first need to express it to self.
Speaker B:And I say to people, even if you don't believe it to be true, your words are powerful.
Speaker B:And if you express love to yourself daily and you commit to it for a month, three months, six months, a year, and you do it every day, multiple times a day, that in time, you're going to have a whole different experience of love.
Speaker B:But in life, so often you ask someone the question, when was the last time you told yourself you love yourself?
Speaker B:Their answer is, never.
Speaker B:But then that's the person you want to love you.
Speaker B:It's someone who never even expressed love to themselves.
Speaker B:So that's where we get into conditional love, codependent love, which says, if you do what I want, I will love you.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:But the problem with that is, is that's not love at all.
Speaker B:It's not neutral.
Speaker B:And love needs to be neutral.
Speaker B:I had a patient come in, and she's having this right arm pain.
Speaker B:And I'm like, well, you know, dear, you need to love your right arm.
Speaker B:You need to realize that you're.
Speaker B:You're hurting in your arm.
Speaker B:And you're hurting because you have a lot of ladies in your life that you want to be enough for, but they're not enough for themselves.
Speaker B:And so you think that you can be enough to make them enough.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:We all need to work our program.
Speaker B:We all need to work our program.
Speaker B:Because then when you then look at your brothers, you're going to see how they attracted strong women.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker D:Right.
Speaker C:And how they maybe have father trauma.
Speaker B:And then you may see in your brother how.
Speaker B:Or your brothers when, say, their wife is vulnerable and maybe crying, well, they're in a pattern of thinking they got to fix it.
Speaker B:So they see someone crying.
Speaker B:They.
Speaker B:They don't know what to do.
Speaker B:So they may be angry, you know, when their spouse is crying.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:Because their behavioral program was, if you do it, do it right.
Speaker B:And I feel inadequate if you're crying instead of just realizing that the best thing for the woman in masculine to learn it's to be vulnerable.
Speaker B:It's not to be dominant.
Speaker B:They're great at being dominant.
Speaker B:What is needed is to learn to be vulnerable, to understand that we feel hurt and hurt is real and to learn how to express hurt is so vital.
Speaker B:Because if I deny hurt, then I'm going to have pain directly related to.
Speaker C:The hurt that's denied.
Speaker B:So in this situation where the person had right arm pain, she looks for approval from a dominant female who have father abandonment trauma.
Speaker B:And that female has a root need for male approval and could care less about being enough for her.
Speaker B:But then her pattern is dominant, Mother.
Speaker B:And so she tied into fixing it.
Speaker B:And the harder she tries to fix it, the harder it becomes because that person's not even open to it.
Speaker B:They're in full masculine.
Speaker B:So it's such.
Speaker C:I love this stuff.
Speaker B:I just absolutely love coming to work, working with new people.
Speaker B:This.
Speaker B:This last week, I had 30 new patients in.
Speaker B:In.
Speaker B:And I worked half days, two of the days out of three days, and I had 30 new patients, and that's 30 people to inspire.
Speaker B:It's 30 people to help gain awareness.
Speaker B:And it's 30 people to help them to unlock whatever reason they are coming to my clinic.
Speaker B:Because so much of why they come is these behavioral stressors and they come in with physical problem.
Speaker B:But what's underlying that problem.
Speaker D:Right.
Speaker D:A story just came to my mind when you were talking and it was my dad.
Speaker D:This is years ago.
Speaker D:What my, my dad had seen a commercial and like one or two in the morning about the need for people to go to the Dominican.
Speaker D:And, and he ended up signing up and, and taking a trip there.
Speaker D:And when he returned, you know, he had all these stories and I remember when he was telling us the stories, you know, and he was, you know, really emotional and one of the stories had to do with, you know, that it, it floods in the Dominican and that there was a dad who had to decide he was on a roof and some.
Speaker D:Something about saving a child or.
Speaker D:And my dad ended up, I want to say sponsoring a few.
Speaker D:And the.
Speaker D:What had happened was he was so emotional and my sisters were really taken back by his emotion and I think that they were thinking.
Speaker D:So I, I didn't have the reaction that they did, but it was my two younger sisters, like, you know, why essentially they felt abandoned and they didn't understand why my dad couldn't cry for them or couldn't see.
Speaker D:Couldn't see that the story he was telling, you know, that essentially he, he hadn't been there for.
Speaker D:For them.
Speaker D:And.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker D:So maybe we could expand on why that might have been that my dad could be so emotional about someone else's child or, you know.
Speaker C:Sure.
Speaker C:Well, your dad is emotional and your dad is sensitive and your dad is vulnerable and your dad was influenced more by female.
Speaker C:And your dad then wanted to be enough for the females in his life.
Speaker B:And the females in his life are.
Speaker C:So often more non emotional.
Speaker D:Right.
Speaker B:And so.
Speaker C:But we all have a pattern and.
Speaker B:We may not see it within our family dynamic, but in this situation they saw a side of your father that they never saw.
Speaker B:And then they said, well, why does.
Speaker C:He care so much about them but not about us?
Speaker B:And the truth is he cared deeply.
Speaker C:About all of you.
Speaker D:Right.
Speaker B:He.
Speaker C:He came from wound and, and he's more emotional and a lot of men are emotional.
Speaker C:You know, they.
Speaker C:You say, hey, you're so emotional.
Speaker C:Oh no, I'm not.
Speaker C:No I'm not.
Speaker C:But when they get hurt or they get triggered, you see the emotion come out.
Speaker B:And so, you know, as I see.
Speaker C:That dynamic, I just recognize that your dad's more female influence, which makes him more Right curve.
Speaker C:He would Seek women that are more.
Speaker B:Left curve, that are more verbal, authoritative, controlling.
Speaker B:He would jump into a mechanism where.
Speaker C:He wanted approval from, you know, a.
Speaker B:Dominant female who has this trauma with their father.
Speaker B:And those ladies he attracted, their wound was before your father.
Speaker B:So it's not his burden.
Speaker D:Right, right, right.
Speaker B:You know, what we should do in relationships is we should look at our.
Speaker C:Wounds and heal them before we.
Speaker B:And then we, then when we attract someone who's wounded, we should be clear that, hey, you're not here to fix my wounds and I'm not here to fix your wounds.
Speaker C:If we're going to have any relationship at all, we need to be mindful that we were both wounded and in.
Speaker B:Our wound there is possibility repair.
Speaker B:And so this is an amazing process.
Speaker C:Because this kind of work really goes to the root of so many people's issues, diseases, both mental and physical.
Speaker C:And as we give clarity to people, they do remarkable things.
Speaker D:Right.
Speaker D:We'll be right back.
Speaker E:This episode of the Adjusting youg Life podcast is brought to you by Ward chiropractic.
Speaker E:For over 30 years, Dr. Steve Ward has been helping people get to the root cause of their pain.
Speaker E:He's a second generation chiropractor who looks at the whole spine, not just the sore spot.
Speaker E:With standing and seated full spine X rays, Dr. Steve finds what most doctors miss.
Speaker E:And his wall adjustment technique, it can bring fast relief back pain, sports injuries.
Speaker E:Check out chiroman.com for hours location and to contact the clinic or stop by Ward Chiropractic Family center today.
Speaker E:Mention this ad and you'll get a free recheck two hours after your first adjustment.
Speaker E:That's Chiromanch H-I-R-O-M-A-N.com for more info.
Speaker D:Welcome back.
Speaker D:We're going to talk about early experiences and how they can shape lifelong habits.
Speaker D:So, Dr. Steve, let's talk about my spinal X rays and how I was able to make some changes in my behavior and ultimately change the curve in my spine, which does show that you can make changes and it'll impact your body.
Speaker C:Yes, it's all through awareness that we make changes.
Speaker C:If we are asleep in our behavioral programs, we maybe never will make a change.
Speaker C:When someone comes into your reality and gives you a new way of looking at something, your awareness goes up and you never look at it the same way.
Speaker C:So in your spinal images, when we started with you, I saw that you were in a right curvature, standing, significant right curvature, which was indication of the struggles you were having with your mom because your mom most likely was Left curvature.
Speaker C:She was more verbal, more authoritative.
Speaker C:It's not saying anything bad about her.
Speaker C:She just was wounded like we all are and trying to work through those wounds to the best of her ability.
Speaker B:So.
Speaker C:But in your situation specifically, you represented as being more reactive emotionally, especially towards your mom's criticism or verbal authority.
Speaker C:And whereas your other sisters maybe felt more wound with your father, you felt wound with your mother.
Speaker B:And so I needed to help you.
Speaker C:With that because you would get triggered very easy early on when I met you and little things would happen and cause you to react and then the expectations were unreasonable.
Speaker D:Well, and I think I also, I noticed the things in my mom cognitively and thought like, I'll never do those things.
Speaker D:And then I was doing those things and aware a little bit.
Speaker D:But interesting to me how what I saw in my mom that I didn't want to repeat, I was repeating.
Speaker B:Yeah, because again, that's the program that.
Speaker C:Showed up in your conscious awareness, which was your standing X ray image.
Speaker C:And whereas your seated one was different, you were in a right curvature, you're more left in curvature.
Speaker B:And so.
Speaker C:But as we learn that it's not personal what we experience, and changing a behavioral program is just seeing it differently.
Speaker C:If I, you know, inherit criticism and then I become self critical, then I bonded with this behavior that was programmed into me.
Speaker C:But when we go into rewriting that code, it's like, oh, at no point am I going to be critical of me.
Speaker C:Every time I feel a need to be critical like the generations of people.
Speaker B:Before me have done, I'm going to choose to replace that criticism with kindness.
Speaker C:Or with kindness and love, or with.
Speaker B:Kindness, love, validation and encouragement.
Speaker B:And so change is not difficult.
Speaker B:You know, we get it, we see.
Speaker C:It all the time in spinal X rays.
Speaker C:Your spine, from the first set to the second set, dramatically change.
Speaker C:Your sister, your older sister spine, dramatically change.
Speaker C:Incredible change.
Speaker B:So if you do believe that the spine shows our influence and then you.
Speaker C:See how a spinal image changes in.
Speaker B:Both you and your sister's case, with.
Speaker C:How any treatment, it was all done.
Speaker B:Through behavioral awareness and how dramatically it's changed, it's just really remarkable.
Speaker B:So we get into a program that.
Speaker C:Things don't change or they.
Speaker C:It's impossible to change.
Speaker B:Well, no, that just indicates we're in a paralysis and we're in a fear paralysis and we're bonding with a program and we've embedded over and over that.
Speaker C:That'S our issue when it was never your issue.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker B:It was an issue before that you bonded with.
Speaker B:And then you see Your life through those eyes, and you make it your issue.
Speaker B:But no, it wasn't your issue.
Speaker B:You know, once we are given an epiphany and we see something differently for.
Speaker C:The first time, it's hard to then go back and deny what you.
Speaker C:What your growth is.
Speaker D:So let's talk about the authoritative parent program, because if you would have, like, called it that, I would have been like, that's.
Speaker D:No, but I.
Speaker D:But I also remember feeling that the time that I would feel that, like, with my daughter, I was standing, it was never when I was, you know, when I was seated.
Speaker D:Right.
Speaker D:And so something that we've learned is that when I'm communicating with my daughter, it's probably better if she's like, on the bed and I'm on the floor, because I don't actually feel that that same program.
Speaker D:Right.
Speaker D:Why is that?
Speaker C:Well, just position of load is so interesting to study.
Speaker C:So where doctors will lie someone down and image them and take segmental views.
Speaker C:My dad invented a process of looking at the spine from the front and side, standing and sitting and looking at the larger images.
Speaker C:So studying the cranium to the pelvis.
Speaker B:And.
Speaker C:And so what we see is the curvature dramatically changes from one position to the next.
Speaker C:And this is why it's so vital.
Speaker C:If you're in backward curve standing, and.
Speaker B:You'Re in forward curve sitting, and someone's critical, if you're sitting, you're going to.
Speaker C:Personalize it, and if you're standing, you're.
Speaker B:More likely to deny it.
Speaker B:So I say to people, when they're in something that's toxic stand, because you have better capability of hitting that projection with denial.
Speaker B:And denial, it's a powerful thing.
Speaker B:If someone's critical of me, I'm going to choose to deny that projection.
Speaker D:Active denial.
Speaker C:Denial, Right.
Speaker B:If someone's projecting their inadequacy onto me, I'm going to deny that.
Speaker B:If someone's putting their abandonment history on me, I'm going to deny that.
Speaker C:I'm not going to accept that.
Speaker B:But if I'm sitting like, you watch.
Speaker C:A sad movie, I watch a sad movie, I tear up.
Speaker B:But ladies I've been with throughout my life, they look at me like, what the heck's wrong with you?
Speaker B:Why are you crying?
Speaker B:Which was the same thing that you saw with your father coming back from his trip and carrying on this experience that he experienced and how he was.
Speaker C:All emotional over that.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:And so it's just important to understand that that position of load is so vital.
Speaker B:And that's why I believe people should.
Speaker C:Be studied holistically in both positions of.
Speaker B:Stress because see if they're backward in.
Speaker C:Both positions like your older sister was.
Speaker B:Initially backward in both positions.
Speaker C:That's denial in both positions.
Speaker D:Active or passive denial?
Speaker B:No, it's just inherited denial.
Speaker B:You know, it deals with how do.
Speaker C:I deal with the things that are hurtful.
Speaker C:I'm going to deny them and not.
Speaker D:Not express and not.
Speaker B:I'm going to hide under the covers.
Speaker D:Right.
Speaker B:And where you would be like, I'm going to fight the fight.
Speaker B:I'm going to be.
Speaker D:I would be verbal.
Speaker C:You would be verbal because you were more.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker C:Emotional reactive.
Speaker B:And same with your daughter on some level, you know, both of you have that similar pattern.
Speaker B:Your daughter, however, was far more severe sitting.
Speaker B:When she sat, she went left in curvature.
Speaker B:And so she needed your approval.
Speaker C:You needed, you know, outside female approval.
Speaker B:You had very high standards of yourself.
Speaker B:You projected that high expectation onto your daughter.
Speaker B:And so with.
Speaker D:But didn't think I did.
Speaker B:Didn't think you did.
Speaker B:But same with her father.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:Her father is a kind man, a.
Speaker C:Good man, amazing guy, but, you know.
Speaker B:Seeked more mother approval.
Speaker B:Right, right.
Speaker D:And so she was getting high standard actually from both of us.
Speaker B:Both of you.
Speaker B:And.
Speaker B:But you're growing into the awareness of validating and I think your ex husband is working towards that.
Speaker B:And so it's so easy to always feel like something has to improve when someone does something amazing.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker B:Because again, if that was our program, then when someone does really great in.
Speaker C:One aspect of life, it doesn't mean they're celebrating it.
Speaker C:If they were negated on some level.
Speaker B:And that negation is never personal.
Speaker C:It's a generational message.
Speaker B:How many of us here, you can.
Speaker C:Improve, you can do better.
Speaker C:Oh, that's good.
Speaker C:But you can do better.
Speaker C:In their mind, it's perfect.
Speaker B:But you know, we're not robots and we're not here to be perfect.
Speaker B:And if we had nothing, if all we were, were perfect, where would we grow and evolve?
Speaker C:How will we grow and evolve?
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker D:Well, just even like in school, the fact that there's like these grades, right?
Speaker D:And as if they're a representation of, or that they, there's a, if this, this grade means this.
Speaker D:And it actually doesn't mean that.
Speaker D:It's, it's.
Speaker D:It's really limiting, I think, to children because there are some that maybe are.
Speaker D:Have a better learning aptitude and learn this particular way.
Speaker D:So it's not really, it's not.
Speaker D:School's not public school is not like customized for, for.
Speaker D:So it can really leave Someone that gave their best effort, feeling inadequate.
Speaker D:If, you know, for example, you were able, you know, earned a C or something when that may not actually, that may not represent that, you know, And I think that that's important.
Speaker D:It's important to start realizing that the grading system is not, it's rigged, you know, And I don't, I don't think it's.
Speaker D:I think you celebrate whether it's a D or a C or a B or it's intentional.
Speaker C:Because for instance, in my story, I had so many issues when I was a kid, right?
Speaker B:And so many times my feeling of.
Speaker C:Inadequacy prevented me from even trying because my belief was I wasn't smart like the other kids.
Speaker B:And I carried that belief for a.
Speaker C:Long period of time in my life, into my adult years.
Speaker C:And because I saw things, I had challenges where others didn't.
Speaker B:And so we all need to understand.
Speaker C:That negation never the answer.
Speaker B:The answer is always celebration.
Speaker B:And some people learn at a different level.
Speaker B:Some people learning is very easy for because we're, you know, a lot of us are born with iq.
Speaker B:Our IQ we're born with.
Speaker B:And our IQ might be different and someone might learn at a different rate because they have a different iq, right?
Speaker B:And so, but in my case, it was the teacher who helped me to understand that I was smart, that helped me to believe that it was possible.
Speaker C:That I could go on and become.
Speaker B:A doctor and influence lives and heal people.
Speaker B:And you know, I go back to a couple people in my life, my friend that helped me through the algebra class and the teacher that said, hey, I know I've seen your record and I know you've struggled a lot, but I see really a lot of greatness in you.
Speaker B:And then in chiropractic college actually was before it's pre med, and I had a teacher that said, everyone in my class starts with an A and it's really hard for you to lose your A.
Speaker C:And I thought, wow, oh my God.
Speaker B:How amazing is that?
Speaker B:And, you know, I ended up getting an A in that organic chemistry class.
Speaker B:It was a six week extensive course.
Speaker B:And it was just so amazing to me, you know, how just the impact of someone's view on my life made a major difference in me.
Speaker B:And it gives me teachable moments, right?
Speaker B:Because, you know, it's been a journey for me.
Speaker B:And so to me, this is the power that we all have.
Speaker B:We have the power to look at everything differently.
Speaker B:And we're all growing, we're all evolving.
Speaker B:That's the goal.
Speaker B:And our goal, you know it's hard to change our iq, but EQ is so easy to change because all you need to do is have a different awareness than you have priority.
Speaker B:And then there's other aspects of EQ.
Speaker C:That are so powerful once you get a handle on them.
Speaker C:And for a lot of people it's regulation is where they have challenges for the dominant female.
Speaker C:They become verbal when they're upset and authoritative.
Speaker C:And so that's a lack of regulation for the emotional male that wants to be validated, gets triggered into reacting emotionally.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:So there's just so many components to how we can grow and evolve and but to me, the greatest way is to be open.
Speaker C:I wake up every day knowing that, wow, I've learned some things that's really changed my life.
Speaker B:But I feel like I'm at the infancy of this story and the awareness that will come to my life because of the awareness that I know some things when I'm open to learn and grow and evolve every day, moving forward not for the wounded people around me, but for me.
Speaker C:It's my job to change my narrative and it's not going to change from wounded people around me.
Speaker D:Thank you for joining us on today's episode.
Speaker D:For more information and to see the show notes for please visit adjustingyourlifepodcast.com Every Wednesday we release new episodes and we'll see you next time.
Speaker A:This is a broadcast of the Adjusting youg Life podcast produced by Adjusted Life Media.
Speaker A:All information contained in this episode and all other content provided on this channel is for informational and entertainment purposes only.
Speaker A:This content is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.
Speaker A:If you or someone you know is experiencing a medical emergency, please contact your local emergency services.
Speaker A:Dr. Steven M. Ward, D.C. is a board certified doctor of chiropractic medicine licensed in the State of California, county of Los Angeles.
Speaker A:The Adjusting youg Life podcast is written and produced by Executive Producer Jamie Knapp and co produced by Kennedy hall and Dr. Stephen Ward as Dr. Steve.
Speaker A:For more information or to connect with us, visit adjustingyourlifepodcast.com.
